Was it me who mentioned it?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?PHPSESSID=099a8911f78b1f745aa52e0659459bf0&topic=236601.0As far as I experienced it’s not only hobbies, but general interests, taste (food, cloths, style) too.
Lets start far back (r/s 30+yrs)
Exw liked to drink milk with lunch. At our home we didn’t, so my mom bought milk in case of. The 2nd time exw said she didn’t like milk at all.
Me visiting her parents. Milk was served. exw drank it…
We once agreed in which exw was the “überdog”(!) not to spent holidays in a camping tent or with a caravan.
Now with her soother exw attended with his 4x4 off-road club a fair at the East of England Showground, had to stay in a tent, cooking outside. Assimilated.
Soothers hobby mentioned, 4x4. Friends of my (then us) bought new Land Rover Discovery’s for years every 3 yrs. Comment of exw: disgusting, special that spare-tire on the outside, what is the use of it, an ugly a- social car!
Assimilated now… soother have an old Discovery… exw couldn’t afford it, so bought a Suzuki 4x4, with spare tire on the outside.
Recently some UK contacts sent me pictures of her watching very, very interested (…) at the performance of 4x4 cars of soother’s club event on a cold day, wind, mud, exhaust gasses around her nose.
As my son, fond of cars, wanted to visit a nearby (mud)rally-circuit once, we went as a family. Exw disliked it, that mud, oil, exhaust gasses
Like a sturdy teenager showing of, exw even drives around with a showy (covers half a side window) club logo. A club logo even from abroad…
As mentioned in the topic above, I met her while exw lunched with soother. I was surprised. Used to eat a healthy meal, now a fat one with a lot of sauce (used to dislike a lot of sauce), an exact copy of the plate of soother.
Being very skinny now, maybe exw wants to be like soother too, fat as a Michelin-tire puppet.
Cloths I saw at that lunch? Exw used to be modern sportive with class and had her own style (surprise… I thought so for more than 3 decades…) Assimilated the style of soother, cheap and ordinary, bad dressed.
Of course being half of a lifetime together a baseline is fixed in place. So being a family interests of all members must be taken into account. I did, we did, kids did.
In every village/town we once a year celebrate “Queensday” now “Kingsday”. Since kids were a 4yrs. old, we participated the festivities. Later, kids find their own joy with friends, exw became involved in organising the event. Exw absolutely didn’t care about having Q-time as a couple. So kids gone, exw gone, dad… at home.
Since exw left, exw was seen with other man (before this soother) elsewhere.
So still a really disgusting feeling overwhelms me when I see that behaviour, that lack of self, that lack of having an own mature personality. Many, many activities as proposed were categorically discarded. The Q-time together as planned ahead, exw undertakes it with a soother.
However, as my sons told me, exw now improved her house with my ideas for home improvement which exw, how surprisingly
rejected back then.
But exw is still wearing my earrings I once gave her. Token for her burden? Token for her victory as she couldn't win without destruction of my family?
