Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
June 15, 2024, 05:01:44 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
222
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: False accusations and intense jealousy  (Read 727 times)
jammo1989
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 492


« on: November 14, 2014, 11:14:45 AM »



Hey guys, based on your own personal experience with a BPD/ HPD when the jealousy started and arguments were started based solely on the imaginary accusations, did it all go down hill from there, like once it started it never went away and the accusations became more consistent and intense, or was it a one off occasion where you could reason and convince them to actually trust you?  Would really like to hear everyone's experience with the jealousy.
Logged
Raybo48
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2014, 11:21:25 AM »

My ex had no problem telling me she had trust issues from the start.  She also displayed intense jealousy from the beginning even during the idealization stage so I wouldn't say in my case it went all down hill from there because it was part of our rs the entire time.   The thing is the jealousy was so intense when it happened there was no discussing it or rationalizing her behavior.  I think the down hill point for me was when I had to walk on eggshells so I wouldn't trigger the jealousy in her and cause her to wreak havoc on us for seemingly days or cause her to go into one of her 5-10 day drinking binges because of it to cope.

I have to laugh though, here was a typical BPD who had emotional and psychical relationships behind my back galore, but her insane jealousy could be kicked off if she saw the wrong comment on my FB from another girl, or saw me talking to someone at the store.  There are many other examples I could give, but the one thing they have is an amazing capacity for double standards.  I even told her that and she was un phased by the comment.  They just don't see it because they have no impulse control, just like a typical three year old.
Logged
clydegriffith
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 505


« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2014, 11:22:06 AM »

Too many to count. I was contantly being accused of cheating. Even if i went out of the house to go to the store or for a walk, i was supposedly up to no good. Anyone that knows me knows that i am not that kind of person and she had to have known this. Her fixation on this subject probably stemmed from the fact that she was cheating with anyone that looked her way, nobody was off limits and i guess she figured contantly harrasing me about being unfaithful would make me less suspicious of what she was doing.

Logged
jammo1989
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 492


« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2014, 11:31:16 AM »

Thanks for the responses guy, my ex has been with my replacement for 3 months now, and it seems like every 2 weeks she seems to accuse and get intense jealousy, he posted something on Twitter (which she doesn't use) saying snap out of it? Ha ha, your a head f... ck love, get a life you f... .cked up dog! So I'm guessing her irrational, impulsive jealous has carried over towards him.  Why do they get jealous and accuse, do you guys think it's because they are emotionally cheating, if not physically behind the accuseds back?
Logged
clydegriffith
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 505


« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2014, 11:36:35 AM »

I think in the beginning of the relationship, the BPD takes into account how easily and nonchalantly they themslves have cheated on previous partners and during the honeymoon phase are scared to death that whoever they are obsessing over at the time is doing the same to them.

When they eventually start cheating, the accusations and fights are more of a self-hatred thing i believe. 
Logged
thatwasthat
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 128


« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2014, 11:37:32 AM »

I was constantly accused of being romantically involved with an exgf that I had split up with 4 years before I met my BPxw. That girl lived 8000 miles away and was engaged. GO FIGURE.

We were merely friends on FB.

"You want your cake and eat it too."
Logged
jammo1989
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 492


« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2014, 11:38:54 AM »

I think in the beginning of the relationship, the BPD takes into account how easily and nonchalantly they themslves have cheated on previous partners and during the honeymoon phase are scared to death that whoever they are obsessing over at the time is doing the same to them.

When they eventually start cheating, the accusations and fights are more of a self-hatred thing i believe. 

Thanks a lot for that bit of information, about them looking back at cheating in past relationships, that really does make a lot of sense, they dont trust themselves, so they feel as if they can't trust their partners either in comparison.
Logged
Pingo
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 924



« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2014, 01:03:20 PM »

Hey guys, based on your own personal experience with a BPD/ HPD when the jealousy started and arguments were started based solely on the imaginary accusations, did it all go down hill from there, like once it started it never went away and the accusations became more consistent and intense, or was it a one off occasion where you could reason and convince them to actually trust you?  Would really like to hear everyone's experience with the jealousy.

The first accusation was somewhat minor but led to a feeling of mistrust that never got resolved.  So then the next and the next just added to the mistrust and escalated in intensity pretty darn quick.  This was the BIGGEST reason I ended our r/s.  I am about the most trustworthy person you could meet and it was astounding why he was always so paranoid and suspicious.  I felt like he wanted to 'own' me!  I find out after our second (and last) split that he has been the one lying and keeping secrets... .so pure projection I suppose.
Logged
Popcorn71
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 483



« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2014, 03:28:38 PM »

My exBPDh always told me that he knew he could trust me.  I thought the same about him.  We had both been cheated on in previous marriages and told each other that because we knew the pain it causes, we could not do that to each other.

However, during the last few months of our relationship, my ex accused me several times of kissing other men or wanting to be with other men.  I now know, that at the time he was lining up the replacement and had probably cheated with her.

So, I think the accusations and jealousy are actually a reflection of what they are doing themselves.
Logged
Blimblam
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2892



WWW
« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2014, 04:08:43 PM »

My last ex wasn't the jealous type.  In fact if she thought I was flirting she found me more attractive and worked harder to get my attention. 

I had another BPD ex that was intensely jealous all the time.  I think it has to do with their low self esteem

Abandonment fears and the fact it has

Probably been done to them and they may have done it to others. 

Plus hpd are the definition of drama queens.
Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2014, 07:42:18 AM »

Not so much during the r/s, but it came to light that she was jealous of my daughter taking time from her and then hit me with your not over your ex wife. This from the same woman who stalks her ex husband on FB and Instagram.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!