False accusations and intense jealousy

[jammo1989]

Hey guys, based on your own personal experience with a BPD/ HPD when the jealousy started and arguments were started based solely on the imaginary accusations, did it all go down hill from there, like once it started it never went away and the accusations became more consistent and intense, or was it a one off occasion where you could reason and convince them to actually trust you?  Would really like to hear everyone's experience with the jealousy.

[Raybo48]

My ex had no problem telling me she had trust issues from the start.  She also displayed intense jealousy from the beginning even during the idealization stage so I wouldn't say in my case it went all down hill from there because it was part of our rs the entire time.   The thing is the jealousy was so intense when it happened there was no discussing it or rationalizing her behavior.  I think the down hill point for me was when I had to walk on eggshells so I wouldn't trigger the jealousy in her and cause her to wreak havoc on us for seemingly days or cause her to go into one of her 5-10 day drinking binges because of it to cope.

I have to laugh though, here was a typical BPD who had emotional and psychical relationships behind my back galore, but her insane jealousy could be kicked off if she saw the wrong comment on my FB from another girl, or saw me talking to someone at the store.  There are many other examples I could give, but the one thing they have is an amazing capacity for double standards.  I even told her that and she was un phased by the comment.  They just don't see it because they have no impulse control, just like a typical three year old.

[clydegriffith]

Too many to count. I was contantly being accused of cheating. Even if i went out of the house to go to the store or for a walk, i was supposedly up to no good. Anyone that knows me knows that i am not that kind of person and she had to have known this. Her fixation on this subject probably stemmed from the fact that she was cheating with anyone that looked her way, nobody was off limits and i guess she figured contantly harrasing me about being unfaithful would make me less suspicious of what she was doing.

[jammo1989]

Thanks for the responses guy, my ex has been with my replacement for 3 months now, and it seems like every 2 weeks she seems to accuse and get intense jealousy, he posted something on Twitter (which she doesn't use) saying snap out of it? Ha ha, your a head f... ck love, get a life you f... .cked up dog! So I'm guessing her irrational, impulsive jealous has carried over towards him.  Why do they get jealous and accuse, do you guys think it's because they are emotionally cheating, if not physically behind the accuseds back?

[clydegriffith]

I think in the beginning of the relationship, the BPD takes into account how easily and nonchalantly they themslves have cheated on previous partners and during the honeymoon phase are scared to death that whoever they are obsessing over at the time is doing the same to them.

When they eventually start cheating, the accusations and fights are more of a self-hatred thing i believe. 

[thatwasthat]

I was constantly accused of being romantically involved with an exgf that I had split up with 4 years before I met my BPxw. That girl lived 8000 miles away and was engaged. GO FIGURE.

We were merely friends on FB.

"You want your cake and eat it too."

[jammo1989]

I think in the beginning of the relationship, the BPD takes into account how easily and nonchalantly they themslves have cheated on previous partners and during the honeymoon phase are scared to death that whoever they are obsessing over at the time is doing the same to them.

When they eventually start cheating, the accusations and fights are more of a self-hatred thing i believe. 

Thanks a lot for that bit of information, about them looking back at cheating in past relationships, that really does make a lot of sense, they dont trust themselves, so they feel as if they can't trust their partners either in comparison.

[Pingo]

Hey guys, based on your own personal experience with a BPD/ HPD when the jealousy started and arguments were started based solely on the imaginary accusations, did it all go down hill from there, like once it started it never went away and the accusations became more consistent and intense, or was it a one off occasion where you could reason and convince them to actually trust you?  Would really like to hear everyone's experience with the jealousy.

The first accusation was somewhat minor but led to a feeling of mistrust that never got resolved.  So then the next and the next just added to the mistrust and escalated in intensity pretty darn quick.  This was the BIGGEST reason I ended our r/s.  I am about the most trustworthy person you could meet and it was astounding why he was always so paranoid and suspicious.  I felt like he wanted to 'own' me!  I find out after our second (and last) split that he has been the one lying and keeping secrets... .so pure projection I suppose.

[Popcorn71]

My exBPDh always told me that he knew he could trust me.  I thought the same about him.  We had both been cheated on in previous marriages and told each other that because we knew the pain it causes, we could not do that to each other.

However, during the last few months of our relationship, my ex accused me several times of kissing other men or wanting to be with other men.  I now know, that at the time he was lining up the replacement and had probably cheated with her.

So, I think the accusations and jealousy are actually a reflection of what they are doing themselves.

[Blimblam]

My last ex wasn't the jealous type.  In fact if she thought I was flirting she found me more attractive and worked harder to get my attention. 

I had another BPD ex that was intensely jealous all the time.  I think it has to do with their low self esteem

Abandonment fears and the fact it has

Probably been done to them and they may have done it to others. 

Plus hpd are the definition of drama queens.

[Deeno02]

Not so much during the r/s, but it came to light that she was jealous of my daughter taking time from her and then hit me with your not over your ex wife. This from the same woman who stalks her ex husband on FB and Instagram.