I saw her

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Last night I decide to do what I thought I needed to do and that was to get rid of all her belongings that she has left in my house. I managed to cram all her stuff in a shoe box (some of those things were given to me as a gift from her, a ring)... .I meet up with her and hand her the shoebox, (if you haven't read my other posts, she had just come back from Spain and didn't keep contact with me while she was there.) While I give her the shoebox, she asks me if anything is wrong... .in my mind I started to develop so much hate towards her. I couldn't stand the sight of her... .How could she ask me such a stupid question if she already knows what the problem is? As if everything is ok! I told her that I dont trust her, and that because of her I had to go to a few therapy sessions to get over the love for her... .I then also accused her of cheating on me (I had enough evidence with my accusation). The most messed up part is that she didn't even care about me going to therapy and right away jumped to how I was accusing her. This just tells me that every single time she has told me that she loved me, she was lying. My blood was boiling when she told me. I have never hated anyone in my life before until her. I have so much hate towards her that I am having a troubling time containing it. I am also not a violent person, but when it comes to her, I get so many messed up thoughts in my mind. But I cannot stress enough how much hate I have generated because of her. The manipulation, the lying, false hope. I tell her to go home rudely many times and then I get in my car and drive home. While I am driving she sends me a text saying how grateful she is for bringing her her stuff and then goes off on how my accusations of her cheating on me are false. I then send her a text telling her to not text or call me again. She has not replied. My friends, I want to thank you all for your support through these hellish days, I feel my sanity slowly coming back, but my hate for her continues. I know I am a kind person and I love to give, I dont care what I have to give, but if it is to makes someones life better I will give it. But she did not see how much I gave, and at the end of it all she completely disregarded my feelings. I am only 22 and to experience this at such an early age, I am very thankful, because now I know what to look out for. But this hate. It is killing me... .She has taken all my emotions and my heart and put them in a blender... .How do you guys cope with all this hate? I wanted to have at least a friendship with her, but because of my lack of trust with her, I couldn't. I seriously hate her with all my heart. And I feel awful for carrying all this hate. I just want to let go  

[Jmanster]

Last night I decide to do what I thought I needed to do and that was to get rid of all her belongings that she has left in my house. I managed to cram all her stuff in a shoe box (some of those things were given to me as a gift from her, a ring)... .I meet up with her and hand her the shoebox, (if you haven't read my other posts, she had just come back from Spain and didn't keep contact with me while she was there.) While I give her the shoebox, she asks me if anything is wrong... .in my mind I started to develop so much hate towards her. I couldn't stand the sight of her... .How could she ask me such a stupid question if she already knows what the problem is? As if everything is ok! I told her that I dont trust her, and that because of her I had to go to a few therapy sessions to get over the love for her... .I then also accused her of cheating on me (I had enough evidence with my accusation). The most messed up part is that she didn't even care about me going to therapy and right away jumped to how I was accusing her. This just tells me that every single time she has told me that she loved me, she was lying. My blood was boiling when she told me. I have never hated anyone in my life before until her. I have so much hate towards her that I am having a troubling time containing it. I am also not a violent person, but when it comes to her, I get so many messed up thoughts in my mind. But I cannot stress enough how much hate I have generated because of her. The manipulation, the lying, false hope. I tell her to go home rudely many times and then I get in my car and drive home. While I am driving she sends me a text saying how grateful she is for bringing her her stuff and then goes off on how my accusations of her cheating on me are false. I then send her a text telling her to not text or call me again. She has not replied. My friends, I want to thank you all for your support through these hellish days, I feel my sanity slowly coming back, but my hate for her continues. I know I am a kind person and I love to give, I dont care what I have to give, but if it is to makes someones life better I will give it. But she did not see how much I gave, and at the end of it all she completely disregarded my feelings. I am only 22 and to experience this at such an early age, I am very thankful, because now I know what to look out for. But this hate. It is killing me... .She has taken all my emotions and my heart and put them in a blender... .How do you guys cope with all this hate? I wanted to have at least a friendship with her, but because of my lack of trust with her, I couldn't. I seriously hate her with all my heart. And I feel awful for carrying all this hate. I just want to let go  

[Mutt]

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." -Maya Angelou

I think you'll be OK. You have a right to be angry at her. Denying cheating, accusing you when you're trying to tell her your going to T. You were nice enough to put her things on a shoe box and she's indifferent. It's invalidating and this is painful stuff

I'm sorry for what she put you through.

[Jmanster]

Thanks Mutt for the kind words... .Good news! I am supposed to see a new girl this week and she is already starting to take my mind off of the ex. I am in a better place now compared to earlier in the week and last week