Looking to get some things off my chest

[28goingon50]

Hi

I guess first thing to say is my wife has been diagnosed with BPD I mean obviously i knew something wasn't right but boy has this opened a can of worms. We have been together for 2 years and married for almost 4 months. Our relationship has been through many ups and downs as im sure you all know to well but our story is different. My wife has fertility problems and to her credit she was honest about it from the start. So this year after living together for a  year we sought ivf treatment to try to start a  family. This was unsuccessful and caused by my best judgment substantial feelings of guilt from her. We had our wedding and the roller coaster ride continued we had a great month together and decided to see the fertility specialist who informed us that we would never conceive naturally which triggered a 3 month long downward spiral. She was angry and the little things triggered violent responses. For example I purchased the wrong brand of almond milk and I was attacked physically by her. We managed to have a discussion where I suggested she seek help or lose our relationship. She was told she has BPD and like ive read here from many others its so obvious when you know what to look for. She is constantly angry and occasionally has suicidal thoughts. But she is definitely having more frequent episodes since the diagnosis. Feeling better now ive writen that. Im sure you will here more from me. Unfortunately.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Welcome 28goingon50, this must be tough on you. It is easy to see how fertility issues like this can be an enormous trigger for a woman with BPD, it can be stressful for anyone. She must feel the need to to blame someone for something as that is the only way to soothe problems she cant fix. Unfortunately that is going to be you.

Before you can really focus on getting real help for her you have to get yourself in the right place so that you can be best able to provide any support they she may need without crumbling yourself.

What changes have you started to make within yourself since you have found out about BPD?

You are in the right place to work though your side of the ensuing dramas, of which I am sure there are plenty

[JohnLove]

Hi 28goingon50, I know you are hurt and confused. Your partner has a diagnosis. That helps enormously with understanding and compassion. Many people here dont even have that.

This is your framework for creating a happy life and a happy family?... .

I want you to read your own post. I know we all deserve happiness but is that how you believe in your heart you will achieve that?. Your wife deserves happiness too.

Read your own post... .then post some more. Everyone is here to help themselves and each other in dealing with a mental disorder that is really quite unique and very very serious while at the same time incredibly difficult, confusing, and hurtful.

Many times have I have heard the expression that you don't really know this unless you've been through it. I wholeheartedly agree.

If you take off her mask... .you will see the real her... .it will get rough.