Am I the border line person?

[bodeel]

My soon to be ex has told everyone else we know that I have borderline traits.  So I went to my Physiatrist and asked her to evaluate me.  She says no.  My personal counselor says no.  After reading about this disorder i'm thinking my soon to be ex is the one with this disorder.  So what should I do?   Confused.

[Aussie JJ]

If you trust your psychiatrist and counselor (how long have you been seeing them for?)  I would trust their opinion. 

They are mental health profesionals.  Simple. 

Nothing wrong with asking the questions though.  The very fact that you are shows that your willing to look at faults yourself and accept blame, this isnt a trait that is really part of someone who has BPD. 

As to your exGF who may or may not have BPD.  Nothing you can do to control what she will or wont say.  Nothign you can do to control what she will or wont say. 

Take the high road and say nothing.  Retain your own dignity. 


AJJ. 

[hurting300]

When my girlfriend disappeared, I needed to know i wasn't the main cause. So I went to b psychologist. After talking for an hour she told we could do the evaluation but it would be a waste of time. She said the mere fact I came in crying and badly confused wanting answers made her feel i wasn't sick. But I did the test anyway. I have minor impulsive problems meaning i really need to think of what I say before I say it. But that is a far cry from BPD. And one thing you to remember, I toxic relationship can and will bring out the worst in you.

[Tibbles]

I wondered the same thing too. Hard not too when you are in a toxic relationship and being told you are all these terrible things. As for telling the ex. I tried, didn't work, made things worse. Conversation went onto all my mental health problems that according to him I have. 

[Leaving]

My husband accuses me of being the crazy one. One of the most bizarre things about him is his need to compare himself to me.  When he was diagnosed with BPD, he denied it and said the therapist hated him and that all he needed was more yoga and more kale.  He said many times, ' So, if I'm BPD, what condition do you have?" as if just because he had one, I had to have one and I would say, ' Codependent' but that wasn't good enough for him.  He would go on to accuse me of being bipolar and then say that my parents divorce caused it and so on.  Those type of conversations were so surreal and bizarre that I had to really dig for maturity and compassion in order to avoid escalation of his passive aggressive temper.

Be glad that you question your own mental health.  That makes you a healthy neurotic human being. 

[christin5433]

I agree I have had thoughts go thru my mind that question a lot but thank God I can see myself for who I was in relationship . I remember saying over and over "can we please get to the solution you seem to be stuck in the problem or problems? " I would always say things that were trying to disengage like pause , stop, or just can we come back to this. It was my recollection she just wanted drama. But this is the BPD... .They tell you you are the drama , you are the one fighting, blah blah trust me lots of blah blah. You could be frozen in time and they'd still tell you that you are the problem. I even asked my exBPD " do you really see me as the entire problem in your life" she'd answer yes. Ok that's extreme and just plain lying to herself.

[JRT]

BPD's are well documented for trying to convince their SO's that THEY are, in fact, the ones with BPD... .there is actually a name for this but I can't recall off the top of my head... .

I know that mine, in her distortion campaign and painting me black, is doing something similar. Her son told a mutual friend that I am 'psycho'... .nice! But it DID give me a laugh.

[CloseToFreedom]

My exgf is studying the medical field and thus she would claim (not literally, but still) that she's an expert on this sort of stuff. She called me a BPD on multiple terms and almost had me believe it too.

In one of our last arguments she again said: 'You're acting like such a borderliner.'

Of course I did. Of course. It didn't had anything to do with her crazy making behaviour.

Now that I'm out for 7 weeks the fog is starting to lift and I see more and more what a distorted vision she had on the situation. I couldn't have done anything better. It was either giving up my entire personality, the last of my personality that remained after 4 years anyway, or distancing myself emotionally. I did the latter thing, which had an effect that she thought she wasn't treated well and thus, she started acting so difficult that we had no choice but to split up.

[christin5433]

From what I've read you must be the blame and just don't defend yourself . Just stay neutral. Let yourself be her black. Just get yourself back on track . I'm glad to know after 7 weeks its a better. I have some bad feelings coming up throughout my day but I'm assuming its normal grieving. I know depression has come an gone in me a lot . Anger at times. Loneliness but at same time peace .