It's her Birthday Today...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So today is my ex's birthday, and I am constantly thinking about her... .I'm even contemplating picking up my phone and texting her happy birthday... .It has been almost 6 weeks since NC... .Help me guys, help me stop myself from doing something regrettable... .what would you do?

[Jmanster]

So today is my ex's birthday, and I am constantly thinking about her... .I'm even contemplating picking up my phone and texting her happy birthday... .It has been almost 6 weeks since NC... .Help me guys, help me stop myself from doing something regrettable... .what would you do?

[billypilgrim]

I would absolutely not text her, call her, whatever.  But I understand your struggle.   Birthdays were probably usually pretty good times for you.  Birthdays are all about the person having a birthday, what better holiday for someone with BPD or NPD?  A full day (or week, in the case of my ex) that's all about THEM.

You wrote this post - https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270925.msg12570643#msg12570643 - earlier this month.  I'd encourage you to go back and reread it.  Think about all the progress YOU have made since going NC.  Stay strong, friend.  Be good to yourself.

[Blimblam]

Here's some music therapy for you.  

Listen to the song, magdelena by a perfect circle.

Then listen to the song, sleeping beauty by a perfect circle.

The song push it by tool with the lyrics.

Then listen to magdelena again.  And see how you feel about that song then.  

As if your questioning what it all means after that listen to swan lake by chakoufsky.

All can be found on YouTube. 

[lovenature]

Maintain NC! Think about how she affected your life overall.

How did she treat you on your birthday? Mine didn't even tell me she wanted to be with me, and I was wrong for not inviting her to do something on MY birthday . The next year I was painted black and didn't even get a card from her, to top it off, she told others I forgot her birthday (just another of the many lies).

I have been NC now for just over 6 weeks, after almost a month of not hearing from her, the contact started again. I know how tough it is, hang in there.

[willieb4]

I would not contact her.

I'm at 8 weeks strict no contact(she's blocked everywhere), I feel much better than I did at 6 weeks.

If you break NC you'll go back to zero. Hang in there.

[Blimblam]

"Help me stop myself from doing something regrettable."

You have proposed a paradox. It's a catch 22 you will regret it either way but you are using us as a proxy to avoid the inevitable pain of the situation by puttin the responsibility into somone elses hands to decide for you. 

If you want to wish her happy birthday do it. If you don't think you will be able to stop yourself from unleashing your pain an frustration in your communications then don't.  In any case explore and experience these overwhelming emotions. 

[Clearmind]

"Help me stop myself from doing something regrettable."

You have proposed a paradox. It's a catch 22 you will regret it either way but you are using us as a proxy to avoid the inevitable pain of the situation by puttin the responsibility into somone elses hands to decide for you.  

If you want to wish her happy birthday do it. If you don't think you will be able to stop yourself from unleashing your pain an frustration in your communications then don't.  In any case explore and experience these overwhelming emotions.  

I agree. Feel the Emotions whatever the decision rather than hide from them (this came from family of origin). I dated a Borderline cause I ran from emotions. Who better to date than a highly emotional person when I feared them. My ex made it up for the both of us.

And really ask yourself what it means if you do. What are you hoping to gain?

Find your reasons as to why you're attached rather than feverishly protecting NC.

[fred6]

"Help me stop myself from doing something regrettable."

You have proposed a paradox. It's a catch 22 you will regret it either way but you are using us as a proxy to avoid the inevitable pain of the situation by puttin the responsibility into somone elses hands to decide for you.  

If you want to wish her happy birthday do it. If you don't think you will be able to stop yourself from unleashing your pain an frustration in your communications then don't.  In any case explore and experience these overwhelming emotions.  

I agree. Feel the Emotions whatever the decision rather than hide from them (this came from family of origin). I dated a Borderline cause I ran from emotions. Who better to date than a highly emotional person when I feared them. My ex made it up for the both of us.

And really ask yourself what it means if you do. What are you hoping to gain?

Find your reasons as to why you're attached rather than feverishly protecting NC.

I agree with these 2 posts 1,000,000%.

Go ahead, wish her a happy birthday and resume NC. Don't expect a reply or anything else.

or

Stay NC.

You see, it really doesn't matter if you plan on immediately resuming NC. It's all how you think it will affect you. I sent my ex a birthday card with no return address, I texted her happy Thanksgiving, and I bought that cheating, lying, hypocrite Christian a nice new bible for Christmas. Other than that, I have been NC(except the 1st month out). I did all of that without ever seeing her or actually talking to her.

On the other hand, I haven't heard from her at all. Not one time. And I'll bet you $100 right now that I won't even get a "Happy Birthday" in April. And that's OK, I don't expect schit from her.

[Deeno02]

I personally left it be. Here B-day was first, 5 days after dumping me. I didnt reach out. My b-day was 11 days later, she said nothing. Its better that way.