Nostalgia

[NonAverageJoe]

It's been over two months NC now. I had a small interaction by proxy from my old boss who was trying to figure out some billing.

She accused me of stalking her to him etc. He warned me to stay away from her craziness.

I find myself periodically thinking about our good times. Things are official with the new girl. I'm not going to break NC, the blocks are still on. I did however move to my Brother's but I don't think she is actively stalking anymore and a different car is parked outside for now.

I am remembering the innocent girl who loved me so passionately and I have to superimpose the devilish she woman who cheated on me and called the cops on me when I moved out upon deducing the truth.

I hope she gets help. Things are great in my life and I am happy... .ish.

[tjay933]

 

good for you. it'll get easier with time. keep posting. keep healing.

[JRT]

Hang in there! You are doing great!

[NonAverageJoe]

I decided not to delete all of the photos of her because she does represent a significant part of my life. Two and a half years and I did not do my best. Despite her issues I still had my own. I know I must never forget this. I had the strength to walk away eventually but I put up with a lot and failed her in some ways.

[Infared]

"I am remembering the innocent girl who loved me so passionately and I have to superimpose the devilish she woman who cheated on me ".

I try to understand that exact transformation every day.  It was like the person that I loved for 5 years just fractured one day.  The behaviors are/were like something out of an extremely melodramatic movie.  There is just no roping that in for me. 

[NonAverageJoe]

It's good to know that I'm not the only person who has experienced. Good and sad of course.

My new girlfriend is amazing and constantly compliments me for things the Ex complained about. The disorder was very strong. I have texts to my old roommate asking him to try and cheer her up. So much of my life revolved around her moods.

[hope2727]

Yup I hear you. Today I am missing mine. All the joy and love. I wish I could grab him by the throat and shake some sense into him. Tell him. You are lived and valued now stop being such a loser and get your messy life together. Seriously dude. You are a mess. Get it together.

[NonAverageJoe]

Due to the fact that my Ex is a high functioning and appears to be co-morbid with NPD I don't for see help coming her way that isn't on the form of enabling. I told her grandparents and said something to her parents before I knew she was BPD so I hope she gets help.

The sweet girl had potential. My new girlfriend may end up becoming the one I stay with. She is everything I ever wanted in a lover.

[Infared]

Due to the fact that my Ex is a high functioning and appears to be co-morbid with NPD I don't for see help coming her way that isn't on the form of enabling. I told her grandparents and said something to her parents before I knew she was BPD so I hope she gets help.

The sweet girl had potential. My new girlfriend may end up becoming the one I stay with. She is everything I ever wanted in a lover.

Hope it works out!

[Suzn]

Despite her issues I still had my own. I know I must never forget this. I had the strength to walk away eventually but I put up with a lot and failed her in some ways.

How do you think you failed her and why did you stay?

[NonAverageJoe]

I stayed because I attributed many of her mood swings to her blood sugar, dysfunctional family and terrible history. I stayed because she had an ambition that blew my mind at times.

I stayed for all of the right reasons and some of the wrong. Out of the dozen times I took her to the hospital I never took her when she told me about her inner turmoil or asked to go to the psyche ward. I never took her when she told me she felt empty. I merely tried to reason or teach her a more mature frame of mind. I told her happiness comes from within and that it was a decision.

I could have done better. Even with my limited knowledge at the time. What difference it would have made, I do not know but I know that I was lazy and selfish.

I left to enforce my boundaries once and for all.