misty_red,
I am sorry to hear about the situation with your dad. It is very difficult when a parent has traits of BPD/NPD and we are in a position to have to return home. I know how this feels. I had to move back in with my parents when I was 24, due to divorce. It was challenging to say the least, as mom is uBPD and dad is uNPD.
But then again I feel sorry for him. I feel guilty, get a bad conscience. Yes, he did many great things for us but only to rub it in our nose later when he can’t control us. Always talking about how great and generous he is, that he would do everything for us… and that we only exploit him.
Do you feel that it is your responsibility to take care of dad? Have you read FOG? I am including the link here:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog. I understand your feelings of guilt. I was tied to my FOO through my FOG. Once I realized that I was not responsible for them or their actions, I was able to change my reaction to the baiting statements, such as "After everything we have done for you, this is how you repay us!" This statement was actually in response to my telling my parents that I would be moving out, after living with them for a year and a half. Very similar to what you are experiencing, so I get it.
I just can’t have these cluster bs in my life anymore. I grew up with them (my sister is a diagnosed BPD), two of my girlfriends were cluster b. I don’t want that anymore…
You have every right to decide who will be in your life.
Does someone have an advice how to behave towards my father now to not make it worse with him?
Have you checked out the communication tools on the site? The link is:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0One thing that really helped me was not responding to the emotion behind their statements, but to focus on the content and give very brief and directed responses. So, I would use a lot of "I" statements in my responses. "I need to do... ." "I'm sorry you feel this way, but I need... ."
Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.