Drat, I really want him to come home

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well I was doing pretty well. Then kaboom I miss him to no end. I know he is not healthy for me. I know he will repeat this pattern over and over and over. I know if I reach out he will attack me. I know he has run a very effective sear campaign against me. Yet I miss him and want him here. I miss my best friend. My confident. The guy who got me. The guy who believed in me. I miss my cohort and partner in crime. I miss him. Drat drat drat. I need some soothing and this leftover pizza and beer isn't doing it.

I am feeling so lost these days. All the counselling and friends and gym and spring and still I miss the big jerk. Would someone pls call him and tell him to get a grip and fix his messy life and come home to the woman who loves him.

[hope2727]

Well I was doing pretty well. Then kaboom I miss him to no end. I know he is not healthy for me. I know he will repeat this pattern over and over and over. I know if I reach out he will attack me. I know he has run a very effective sear campaign against me. Yet I miss him and want him here. I miss my best friend. My confident. The guy who got me. The guy who believed in me. I miss my cohort and partner in crime. I miss him. Drat drat drat. I need some soothing and this leftover pizza and beer isn't doing it.

I am feeling so lost these days. All the counselling and friends and gym and spring and still I miss the big jerk. Would someone pls call him and tell him to get a grip and fix his messy life and come home to the woman who loves him.

[shatterd]

hope, im feeling you now   i am doing the same as we speek, my ex would beg me to come home and i wood come. only to be chased off again and again, its made me stronger  i do miss her and yes it wood be a bad seen if we saw eachother right now. How long has it ben for you with being apart?

[hope2727]

hope, im feeling you now   i am doing the same as we speek, my ex would beg me to come home and i wood come. only to be chased off again and again, its made me stronger  i do miss her and yes it wood be a bad seen if we saw eachother right now. How long has it ben for you with being apart?

It will be a year in about 2 weeks. I am so trying to rebuild. I have dragged myself out to work. Made new friends. Gone to therapy. Gone back to the gym (still fat but working on it). I've started dating. I've painted and rearranged furniture. I've culled the friend herd (those that believed him went). I've gardened and hugged a dog and baked and cried and yelled and still today I am shattered. I wish he knew how loved he really is. I wish he could comprehend it. But he can't. I feel so sorry for him.

[shatterd]

my ex wood say that to me, i am loved with her, ? i know right    she has convinced herself i cheeted on her i guess whaaaaaat, painting me black, i too struggle everyday   i need to work she cost me yet another job by being crazy lost my place again becouse of her, i makeing changes too, moveing away idk if thats guna work ya lost freinds n family over this deal again. i woodnt take her back again this time. I this ur first b/u? and i dnt know how to meet new ppl i suck at life

[Mutt]

Yet I miss him and want him here. I miss my best friend. My confident. The guy who got me. The guy who believed in me. I miss my cohort and partner in crime. I miss him.

Hi hope2727,

I'm sorry to hear that. You've been split for a year and together for three. You're describing a lot of positive things about your ex and not so much the negatives.

Do you miss the person you first met 4 years ago? The person that idealized you?

[hope2727]

yup I miss the good not the bad. I get that. I just still miss him. I know he is a jerk I know he switched to a mean bully. I just still miss him. Its stupid.

[valet]

Why was he a jerk though?

I find that when I think about the reasons why they behaved the way that they did, I am far more accepting and forgiving. It's a major step in healing.

Do you feel compassionate or empathetic for him at all?

Also, a major point: it's normal and perfectly alright for us to miss people. I miss tons of people that aren't my ex that I haven't seen in a while! Totally cool and normal!

[hope2727]

Why was he a jerk though?

I find that when I think about the reasons why they behaved the way that they did, I am far more accepting and forgiving. It's a major step in healing.

Do you feel compassionate or empathetic for him at all?

Also, a major point: it's normal and perfectly alright for us to miss people. I miss tons of people that aren't my ex that I haven't seen in a while! Totally cool and normal!

Of course I feel tremendous empathy for him. It was devastating to see him struggle and suffer. I begged him to return to therapy, to get back on his meds, to try something anything. But nope it was "all my fault". I still hate seeing him suffer and suffer I know he does. I am NC but occasionally hear things. He isn't happy. HE is miserable again. He told me he was just miserable with me but he has his "new true love" splashed all over face book while he is actively on POF. ( I returned to POF to start dating and boom he was matched to me about 18 hours later.  ) So no he is not happy. I hate that he is suffering. I hate that I am suffering. I hate that there are good treatments and he doesn't really engage in them. I hate that people have to hit rock bottom before they self reflect and really engage in help.

As for why he is a jerk... .Mental illness is not an excuse by both his and his psychologists own admission. He makes choices and he has to live with the consequences of his actions. Unfortunately I have to live with them too.

I have to head to hell (work) now. everyone out there have a good (hopefully BPD free) day. Hugs all.

[DyingLove]

Well I was doing pretty well. Then kaboom I miss him to no end. I know he is not healthy for me. I know he will repeat this pattern over and over and over. I know if I reach out he will attack me. I know he has run a very effective sear campaign against me. Yet I miss him and want him here. I miss my best friend. My confident. The guy who got me. The guy who believed in me. I miss my cohort and partner in crime. I miss him. Drat drat drat. I need some soothing and this leftover pizza and beer isn't doing it.

I am feeling so lost these days. All the counselling and friends and gym and spring and still I miss the big jerk. Would someone pls call him and tell him to get a grip and fix his messy life and come home to the woman who loves him.

I'll call yours if you call mine.  I promise.  There must be something in the air, or the season or something.  There is an epidemic of what we feel going on very strongly now (it seems)

I love her dearly.  If I go back (should it ever be possible), I know I might as well just get some life insurance.  What good would it do?  What difference would it be? Is all erased and I'm superman to her again?  Well, I'm certainly disaster man right now.  Funny but not.

[FannyB]

Hi Hope

Sorry that you're suffering right now. Seems like your ex left a hole in your soul that nothing fills or heals - not even time. Suppose it's like an addict falling off the wagon as the craving gets too great. You know the facts, you know the odds, yet still all roads lead to him! I'm fine at the moment, and don't want to see my ex in any capacity, but in the back of my mind still ponder going back to her at some point in the future. Whether that's a serious intention or just a self-soothing opiate to buy myself time to continue healing I really don't know.   We all struggle, even the confident all-knowing ones out there. Hope it ends well for you whatever you decide to do next.