Why marriage therapy is not good?

[Thread]

So my husband with BPD finally got into therapy. I have jumped in on two sessions during his first month. I started to realize I don't think this therapist has worked or has experience with BPD. I did recently ask during a BPD episode from my husband directly after therapy. So, I emailed the therapist and straight out asked if he had the training or understanding. I have good sources now for therapist who deal with this disorder at a local DBT institute.

However, the therapist did not directly answer me yes or no - leaving me to believe he has not. So the therapist said he decided it would be more beneficial to do therapy with both of us. Two of my therapists prior have stated that my BPD needs his own therapy without me.

Does anyone know why marriage therapy doesn't work and why the BPD needs to be in therapy alone? I've been reading solo therapy is more beneficial but I'd like to be better educated on the topic.

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[waverider]

It triggers defense triangulation type behavior in a pwBPD. The focus moves from being open and vulnerable to being defensive and avoiding blame.

You end up in JADE mode and discussion individual dramas and issues rather than core problems.

Couples therapy is about negotiating behaviors and interactions, unfortunately a pwBPD has faulty negotiating ability, so it undermines the whole process.