Selfawareness for those with BPD?

[search4peace]

My exGF said to me:

"I hope I don't push you away" (2nd date after our first kiss)

"If you want to be with me, you better fasten your seat belt" (after one of her emotional scenes)

As I try to deconstruct and make sense of our r/s as part of my detachment and healing, I often wonder whether at some level she knew what she was inviting me into, that she was aware of her behaviors.

Is this something that others have experienced, either during or after the r/s?

[mrwigand]

I absolutely do think they have moments of self-awareness and clarity. In the very least, my exgirlfriend said some VERY similar things. She outright told me at one point, "I'm going to try to push you away. Please don't let me go."

At that point I hadn't been subjected to the worst of the chaos, so I thought was prepared. Obviously, I wasn't and we eventually broke up. To this day it's still a little heartbreaking to me how what she said played out.

[search4peace]

That is so eery... .thank you for sharing that.

After a near b/u during the xmas holiday, when I (CoD, people-pleaser) ended up keeping the peace by reassuring her of my love and commitment, mine said to me:

"Thank you for not letting go of me"

I swear they all must go to the same school (BPDU) and learn the same vocabulary... .sheesh.

[tortuga]

Both of my uBPD exgf's, and my uBPDw have said something or other to this effect at one time or another.  (my non exgf's did not).

Yet. . . when push comes to shove, of course, guess who's fault it is?  Not the one who warned us to "fasten our safety belt".

[leftconfused]

Mine continually begged me to let him go.    He would say, why are you holding on to me, I'm nothing special.  Of course I would try to reassure him but it didn't work.  In the end he just repeatedly told me that he didn't love me and felt nothing for me.  I still wonder if this is just him in his own way trying to push me away because he thinks I deserve better.  He has told me things like, you have a great career and work with people with good jobs, use that to your advantage and find someone else.  Its all so sad, because he was certainly capable of being a good guy, just not for very long.  Coupled with his daily beer drinking didn't bode well.

[lawman79]

My ex gf said on our second date "What if I am a really big handful? Is that ok" what an understatement

Three weeks in I met two of her close friends and when she went to the bathroom one of them said " She needs an extremely patient and understanding guy" another understatement

After our first big blow up she said "I know there is something wrong with and I have a terrible temper and dark thoughts and I know that I need help.  But if you're not going to stick around there is no point in me getting help"

[search4peace]

It's as if part of their mind is already preparing for us leaving them, even at the beginning.

How can anyone claim to want/position themselves to build intimacy with this as a backdrop?  (Rhetorical question)

Cognitive dissonance.  I never saw it... .never wanted to see it.

[Dr56]

Lines I heard:

"My T says I have to be careful not to push you away. I hope I don't, but what if I can't help it?"

"What if I push you away?"

"Am I damaged goods?"

"Maybe this is all about me never having had a father."

"You're much more mature than me. I'm not very mature at all."

"What if this is all about my childhood trauma after all?"

"I will eventually drive you insane. That's all I know how to do with guys."

"You are the only guy who can stand me, but I will eventually drive you crazy."

"I am incapable of making a decision."

"I've always been alone, all my life, so breaking up with you, it's just one more time."

"I realize that everything that comes out of my mouth sounds completely schizophrenic. I know that. But what I want to know, is why couldn't you understand what I was saying?"

"I will most likely divorce you." (In a joking tone, not long after we got married).

Ugh, writing it out makes it all the worse . . . But yeah, I closed my eyes and hoped for the best for far too long.