1st time

[frank1971]

Not much to say had to leave someone who has  BPD traits, cannot diagnose myself of course but it does hurt a lot. I'm in the buiseness of helping people... .so guess that was meant to happen !

[Mutt]

Hi frank1971,



You're right we can't diagnose and we can look at traits and have boundaries with what behaviors are acceptable or not.

I'm sorry you had to leave your partner. How long where you together and what BPD traits were exhibited in your r/s?

Do you have kids together?

[disillusionedandsore]

Welcome Frank 

Sorry you are here,  what to say?  It takes time to process the loss... .I work with people too,  had a belief system that there was always something positive that could be changed,  however small... .How ironic that it was me that had to change and give up!

Hope in time you will be able to share more... . 

[frank1971]

Welcome Frank 

Sorry you are here,  what to say?  It takes time to process the loss... .I work with people too,  had a belief system that there was always something positive that could be changed,  however small... .How ironic that it was me that had to change and give up!

Hope in time you will be able to share more... . 

Thanks,

Your post describes exactly how life was before, had the same belief system myself. Lost it in a glimpse !

I was like you before. Easy to teach others how to let go... .

3 months that's how long it lasted.  Wish I had never met this woman. So perfect then nothing... .and after 6 months, I'm not even improving. I live in a small town in  Northern Canada know all the mental health specialists because of my profession, I'm feeling discarded and incompetent. Why did I fell for someone who was so short tempered and agressive ?  Before I met this person I was married 13 years, divorced and remained single for at least 4 years in order to recover completly. Rarely dating only if serious, Women describe me as a well mannered gentleman. Did my best guess it wasn't good enough.

[Panda39]

Did my best guess it wasn't good enough.

Hi Frank,

I'm sure you did your very best, but the problem was with her and was her's to fix. Don't beat yourself up. 

I can hear how painful this break up is for you and that you are grieving.  Please know that you are not alone. 

Why did I fell for someone who was so short tempered and aggressive ?

 

This could be something worthwhile to investigate. You might start by looking at your relationship history are there any patterns that you see or that are repeated ? Many of us here have rescuing personalities for example.

It might help to check out the "Lessons" links (Particularly Lesson1) in the box to the right ---------------------------------------------------->

Take care,

Panda 39

[frank1971]

It's not even funny 3 months only... .no kids thank lord !

[mgl210]

welcome Frank!

Sorry that you are experiencing what you are. I myself, work in the field. I thought with my reasonable knowledge that I would be the last to enter a relationship with someone with BPD. I was wrong!

Let me start off by saying this. YOu are not at fault. I don't know about you, but personally I blamed myself for a long long time that it was my own behaviors that contributed to this person being a BPD. I know you have a more logical training and thought process than I do, but I still felt the need to express that.

You are in good company here. A lot of us have gone through the same exact stuff as you have. While we don't know your complete story, we do know the similar path and journey that you find yourself on. If we can help you, please feel free to reach out to us. This is a great board with alot of helpful souls that are just waiting to ensure that no one else goes through the heck that they had embarked themselves on.

Be good yourself

MGL

[UserName69]

Welcome Frank 

Sorry you are here,  what to say?  It takes time to process the loss... .I work with people too,  had a belief system that there was always something positive that could be changed,  however small... .How ironic that it was me that had to change and give up!

Hope in time you will be able to share more... . 

Thanks,

Your post describes exactly how life was before, had the same belief system myself. Lost it in a glimpse !

I was like you before. Easy to teach others how to let go... .

3 months that's how long it lasted.  Wish I had never met this woman. So perfect then nothing... .and after 6 months, I'm not even improving. I live in a small town in  Northern Canada know all the mental health specialists because of my profession, I'm feeling discarded and incompetent. Why did I fell for someone who was so short tempered and agressive ?  Before I met this person I was married 13 years, divorced and remained single for at least 4 years in order to recover completly. Rarely dating only if serious, Women describe me as a well mannered gentleman. Did my best guess it wasn't good enough.

It's not your fault. My exBPDgf is short tempered, aggressive and very manipulative. It's not my fault that our rs was a disaster, I blame it on her. She had a lot of moodswings, played a lot with my feelings. She reached a point at which I started to hate her. I simply can't feel anything positive for her, I just hate her a lot. I never met such an idiot in my life. And I'm happy it's over, I wish I never met her.

I'm already dating an another girl and whenever I'm with her I'm realizing how bad and evil my BPD ex is, and I know she will never have a stable or successful relationship in her life. At the end your BPDx is the loser and not you. Think about all the bad memories, I did and it made me hate her. That's the reason why I don't miss her or want her back.