Poking the Bear

[Pretty Woman]

Many times in the beginning of my "relationship" my uBPDex would get really upset with me (irrationally for the situation at hand) and say ":)on't poke the bear, I'm warning you!" or ":)on't kick the dog, she bites".

When I stop and really think of those words said I see they really don't match whatever I was trying to communicate with her at the time, hence why I thought I was going nuts. She would also tell me to stop "projecting" and being "passive-aggressive". Again, terms I knew nothing about until I read up on BPD. I now suspect these were used on her by the ex before me who happened to be... .get this... .a prison psychologist. She worked with murderers and couldn't make this relationship work.

I need to give myself more      

There was 0 compromise... .ever. It was her word or the highway. Even when we broke up this FINAL (because I am making it final) time I questioned her on things and she blocked my texts. A few days later she un-blocked them only if I "promised to behave" so she wouldn't have to cut all contact from me.

Control. What 40 year olds do this? Not normal ones. I have never been blocked by anyone in my life. Ever. Even people who really dislike me and there are a few out there.

What is funny is that even though I am 39 years old I never heard the phrase "Poke the Bear" before I met her. It is so weird... .everything she says tends to have animal imagery... .even FB posts (Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My)! When we would break up she would put a growling lion as her FB picture or a bull with blood on it's horns. It became pretty predictable. When she has a replacement it's calming pictures like a "stream with rocks" or a "hammock on a beach". There were NO people in the pictures just a calming, serene scene, I suspect was to counter how she truly feels inside.

Enter her new GF... .my replacement.  A week before she hooked up with my ex (this past May) we went for drinks. I thought she was my "new best friend"... .I had no idea she was warming up to me and going to go for my ex.

Because I am a trusting person, unfortunately in this situation.

She (the new love-of-my-exes-life) commented that she has a horrific temper and her ex used to tell her all the time: ":)on't poke the bear" because she liked to argue and cause fights.

Is it wrong that I sit here today with a huge-arse smile on my face waiting for the moment she hears the same line from my ex?

I know I cannot predict the future but I had learned to stifle my feelings and hold them in to avoid any conflict.  This person has no idea she is disordered. Wait til she pokes this bear... .

just wait... .

[rotiroti]

I need to give myself more   

Heck I'm sending you some extra!   

Oh sweet Karma.





I feel like the no compromises and taking zero responsibilities goes hand in hand in cases of pwBPD. Of course if it doesn't turn out right, we get to take all the blame.

Seriously, was the intensity worth it? What is it that we even miss?

[Pretty Woman]

Never Again,

  That is what I'm trying to figure out. If I put the 3yrs with her in a long row... .I can easily say we only dated a year and a half... .so many breakups and 0 initiated by me.

She dumped me once because I fell asleep and didn't bring her popcicles. I was an inconsiderate douchebag.

I was so exhausted I am sure I overslept out of self preservation. I was was treated so badly. Dumped when her mom had a stroke... .

We were on the way back from the hospital (I waited for her at a Starbucks since her sister hates me) and as we were driving home I hummed a song on the radio and she went off on me.

If I was sad or had an issue in my life (like my dad in the hospital) I got dumped. If she was stressed, I got dumped.

I put all this blame on me... .

because she took 0 blame.

That is what I am dealing with.  I know it is wrong to wish this on anyone, however the other woman knew we were together and went after her anyways.

I do hope she gets a taste of this.

[Mutt]

Hi Pretty Woman,

She dumped me once because I fell asleep and didn't bring her popcicles. I was an inconsiderate douchebag.

I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. As I was reading through your posts and her way of saying "don't provoke me" I read emotional immaturity, entitlement, no accountability, tantrums... .

Do you think she has child-like behavior?

Her way is she's saying there's a cause and effect and blaming others.  We control our emotional responses. I think another way of looking at it is that it's childish behaviors.

[Loosestrife]

I used to get similar passive aggressive responses, it is very childish, but a defence mechanism all the same.