Reconciling Love & Hate

[ReclaimingMyLife]

I am 8 months out of an 8 month r/s.  He has pursued relentlessly having contacted me upwards of 500 times.  I am much, much better than I was even a month ago.  I have been eagerly awaiting to not want him to contact me.  I am proud I have hit that mark, thank heavens!  When the phone rings/texts I now think "please, please don't be you."   

However, I am ready to reconcile my feelings of love and hate.  I am ready for them to peacefully co-exist.  I loved him enormously.  I hate what he did and the destruction he has reeked on my family.  Loving him feels bad... .like a betrayal of all of us, myself included, who have been seriously hurt by him.  Yet, hating him feels like an indictment and betrayal of the part of me that truly loved him. 

I am in search of a mantra or statement that makes room for these conflicting feelings.  Something simple and truthful that I can rattle off to myself that ends the conflicting loop of loving and hating. 

Like "Loved you but can't live with you." 

That doesn't quite do it though.  How do you sum up your r/s in a few satisfying, accurate words?

[Sadly]

I keep saying to myself (to him) in my head:

" You were fortunate to be loved by me, Your loss is greater than mine, I pity you"

Dunno if it will work, has a only been a couple of days and when I am not being angry ( a good thing) I am in bits (a seriously not good thing).

Good luck with your search for the right words  x