Was this projection?

[crawler]

I talked to a close friend of mine (she has experience with BPD people since one of her ex-partners and her current one both have BPD) and she managed to make me think with a somewhat interesting theory. She said that part of my ex-partner's behavior sounds like clear projection to her and I'd just like to hear your thoughts on this.

Okay so to give you an example based on which my friend came to this conclusion. Very often in my relationship (at least once a week, if not more often, depending on various factors), my ex would accuse me of staring at/liking other women. Sometimes we'd walk down the street together and she'd see a woman for which she would say is "my type" and she would instantaneously get annoyed and would get angry at me and stop talking or worse. Sometimes it would get even weirder, because she would see a picture of a woman on the internet/social media platform and she would again get upset about it, even though I never even saw what she saw. Same would happen if we would watch a movie/tv show together, she had some actresses that she started hating this way as well.

Now, the friend believes that this was most likely a way of projection, where in fact my ex would be actually eyeing males around us in the way she believed I was staring at females. This is kind of plausible, because I remember a few instances where we would walk together and she would turn around and stare at a man passing by. When I called her out on her behavior her comment was that she was just checking out his outfit. There were more examples of doing similar things, but this one was pretty clear.

I'm just curious, what you think is the cause behind such behavior? Was this projection? Or just some "fear" of losing me to other people?

[Turkish]

As a married friend of mine once said, "I'm married, but I'm not dead."

If you or she see an attractive person, its natural to find them attractive. Making lewd comments or being obvious about it crosses into being disrespectful.

It might be that she was projecting, but the dominant emotion was most likely fear of abandonment, or her need for validation of her self-worth.

Some months before my Ex started cheating, she told me,."I wouldn't mind if you had an affair,.as long as I never found out about it." That was likely projection (or just plain weird).

[crawler]

I would never mind comments or discussing if I actually do find someone attractive, but her reactions were plain unhealthy. Our entire day would get ruined just because she would see "my type" walk by.

Mostly I'm trying to figure out whether this was projection or not, because as much as I knew her (and post-break up I feel like I don't know her at all) checking out other people wasn't going with how she described her persona. She always used to say how she doesn't like other people (physically or emotionally), how she would never cheat, etc.