Trying to decide whether to go again

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi guys. Please can I get some comments / advice.

Brief history. ExBPDGf, 15 yrs my junior. Been on/off for about 15 months. I have two kids from previous relationship. Been though 3 break-up cycles, and the last one I've been trying to resist gettin back for about three months. Been a struggle every day. Tried NC but she always finds a way. Common interests that I WONT give up.

Saw her twice at the start of last week and That kicked things off. Then yesterday I ended up spending the whole day in her company. On the one hand it felt amazing having her close. And I couldn't stand it if she was more than a foot away from me. But on the other hand I was so anxious and virtually having a panic attack all day. She wants to get back, and I'm so anxious because I think it will go bad and our break ups are so so bad - suicide attempts/threats, self harming, raging at my house (which has got worse with each breakup). I'm desperate for the good times, but I'm so anxious whenever I'm around her - just waiting for the next destructive conversation. Do I try again?

[Remiman]

Hi guys. Please can I get some comments / advice.

Brief history. ExBPDGf, 15 yrs my junior. Been on/off for about 15 months. I have two kids from previous relationship. Been though 3 break-up cycles, and the last one I've been trying to resist gettin back for about three months. Been a struggle every day. Tried NC but she always finds a way. Common interests that I WONT give up.

Saw her twice at the start of last week and That kicked things off. Then yesterday I ended up spending the whole day in her company. On the one hand it felt amazing having her close. And I couldn't stand it if she was more than a foot away from me. But on the other hand I was so anxious and virtually having a panic attack all day. She wants to get back, and I'm so anxious because I think it will go bad and our break ups are so so bad - suicide attempts/threats, self harming, raging at my house (which has got worse with each breakup). I'm desperate for the good times, but I'm so anxious whenever I'm around her - just waiting for the next destructive conversation. Do I try again?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ptilda]

I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate. First of all, no one can make that decision for you. Second, I think you already know what you should do for now. Keep in mind that there are legal ways to keep someone away from you.

You said you're desperate for the good times, but it is NEVER good relationship mentality to think of the good times as being dependent on the relationship. Whether you're with her or not, you'll learn that good times are 100% on you. Find how to make that happen independently and you'll be stronger.

And please make sure you're in therapy and have a support network.