Death in FI's family hurts more than in my own family

[isilme]

FI's grandmother passed on the 1st.  We had her funeral this past Saturday.  I find I am having a hard time with this.  I knew her almost 20 years.  My own grandparents, I knew only one growing up, but due to my dad's psycho behavior, I was not told he'd died when I was 18, till about a year later.  So I never got to really mourn granddaddy, other than as I did the separation from all of Mom's family during the divorce and dad's sequestration of me from them.  Granny, his wife, died when I was 6, and I never met her, as we were Army and in other states, and she was in a home with advanced Alzheimer's by the time I was born.  My mom called Granddaddy every night to be sure he'd not fallen or something, and he was the relative I actually knew. 

Dad's parents did not approve of his second marriage, or me as a child of it, and I did not meet them, save once at age 5 for a few days, and then not until I was 15, and my parents were divorcing.  When dad kicked me out at 19, they took his side, and so I was NC with them since.  They both passed in recent years, and I was sad, but not like this.

I am crying a lot, I think, because I finally knew what it was like to have a loving grandmother, and she wasn't even mine, and now she is gone, and FI's sister's "fleas" are popping up like she thinks she's the only one allowed to grieve, not even her mother or bothers.  FI was strong all up till we got home from the funeral, and now it seems to be hitting him.  We are both depressed, tired, and since we learned she'd had a bad stroke and that this might be coming mid July, we have not had any energy to do more than make it to work and back.

Unfortunately, I was trying to work on a graphics project for the sister, and she's ticked I can't easily draw while depressed, sad, or grieving.  She sent me a snippy text today stating she needs it done or will send it out to someone else, and I feel bad trying to tell her that I am suffering at least a bit of the pain she is, and that makes anything that draws from your should, like art, even graphic design, hard.  I've also put off a sewing project I meant to have done by now, too.  I am scrambling to try to send her something today and tell her to take it, not worry about paying me at all, I was already under charging her and her husband as it was, just so she can leave me alone.

Just needed to type, sorry.  I know everyone deals differently with this, and I am new to losing someone like this.

[Mutt]

Hi isilme,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I understand how we can grow very close to someone that's loving and caring that we missed out in our families.

I'm sorry for how FI's sister is treating you with showing little sympathy and empathy when your grieving loss  It can very difficult to get through the day. It was kind of you to undercharge her.

How did things turn out with the graphics project, sewing project with FI's sister?

[isilme]

Hi, Mutt, thanks for the reply.

I'm not sure about the graphics project - I sent off 2 versions of the revised file, and also the editable original file for any new artist they might call to get involved, and have heard nothing.  The sister DID send me a message out of the blue with an item she thought I'd like for our wedding coming up in May, so I'm not sure how to take that.  Maybe she's doing better this week?  Maybe I'm just not so sensitive myself?

I think I feel a lot of guilt for being able to love Meemaw so much, when my own grandparents for the most part leave me feeling numb.  Also, when people are nice to me, I cry.  And I've been remembering a lot of things this wonderful woman did for me that my own family didn't.  When my father disowned me, she was the one who took me to the optometrist to get a replacement contact lenses for my pair that was like 4 years old.  She was always kind to me, told me I was HER grandkid, too, and after floating through life not belonging anywhere, I can't say how much that means. 

[Mutt]

Hi isilme,

You took care of your end with the graphics project. It sounds like your Meemaw was a wonderful woman and I understand how we would appreciate having a supportive and caring person in our lives when we feel like we're floating around. I can understand feeling guilt because of your family members and I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like your Meemaw loved you unconditionally. It's great that you had someone like her in your corner in life.