Yolanda123
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 161
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« on: September 05, 2015, 09:44:28 AM » |
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I guess things are following their course... .the BPD scenario... .after 3 months post b/u, he has been stalking, texting, leaving messages... .for the most part, the texts and messages were on the nice side... .I miss you, I wish things had turned out differently, I wish you would talk to me... .sometimes on the blaming side... .if you had truly loved me, you would talk to me, I guess you've found someone else... .Then a few weeks ago, a text and a message not so nice... .a delusional message accusing me of something I had nothing to do with, an aggressive tone... then the day after a nice again message saying he is sorry, he's just resentful that I won't talk to him, that he will 'try' to leave me alone. I've been NC for 2 months 1/2. Hoping that I can get over this and live my life as peacefully as possible. I've been seeing my therapist, I've been thinking a lot, about me, why I accepted things in this r/s that I should not have. I've been crying a lot, hurting like hell, having a hard time not answering to him, feeling guilty, feeling sad for him. I've been seeing someone new for a month, a nice, normal guy. Nothing serious yet, we're very slowly Learning to know each other. It's nice, no love-bombing, no red flags. I've been wanting to go on with my life, to not make the same mistakes, to love and forgive myself. To forgive him and wish we could just get on with our lives without hurting each other more. I haven't reached out to him because I don't want any more pain and I know there can't be any good anymore between us because I am a trigger now and I can't help him, can't ease his pain and all my love and care for him can only bring more pain on both sides.
So my wish was to go on with my life, with this life experience in my baggage to be a better person, stronger, be happy, new beginnings with this new knowledge, self-awareness. Thinking he will eventually stop contacting and maybe, maybe we can both go on with our lives and not cause any more damage. I wanted no conflict, I wanted things to just fade away.
Yesterday my exBPDbf talked with a common friend, a work colleague of mine who was friends with him and has had no contact with him for a few months - she has her own issues with him, and she's also been my confident since the b/u, she knows about the stalking etc.
He told her that I am a b***tc for not talking to him, that I was seeing someone else while we were together. And that I have tried to hit him with my car. The conversation turned very ugly. She basically told him he was crazy and needed serious help, not from a single psychiatrist but a whole team of them, and to stop harassing me or she would take care of him. That she wanted nothing to do with him and to go the f***k away and to move far far away and to leave us alone.
So more ugly stuff. More pain. He knows a lot of people from my workplace, he's been working there for a year, and he lives 2 blocks away from my job. He constantly runs into them on his way to his place. So yes, I am worried about the smear campaign, and I am mostly hurt, sad and angry again. Because I have been nothing but good and loving and supportive and nice and patient, and more to him. While he's been lying, push pulling, probably cheating and all the BPD great stuff we all know about. Because why does he have to make things even uglier and hard?
I guess I was in denial thinking that things would stop and that I could go on with my life. I should have known better after all the stories I read here, I should have known that it would have to turn uglier and more painful. I should have known that there were still some chapters missing in the BPD scenario.
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