And the smear campaign has begun

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I guess things are following their course... .the BPD scenario... .after 3 months post b/u, he has been stalking, texting, leaving messages... .for the most part, the texts and messages were on  the nice side... .I miss you, I wish things had turned out differently, I wish you would talk to me... .sometimes on the blaming side... .if you had truly loved me, you would talk to me, I guess you've found someone else... .Then a few weeks ago, a text and a message not so nice... .a delusional message accusing me of something I had nothing to do with, an aggressive tone... then the day after a nice again message saying he is sorry, he's just resentful that I won't talk to him, that he will 'try' to leave me alone. I've been NC for 2 months 1/2. Hoping that I can get over this and live my life as peacefully as possible. I've been seeing my therapist, I've been thinking a lot, about me, why I accepted things in this r/s that I should not have. I've been crying a lot, hurting like hell, having a hard time not answering to him, feeling guilty, feeling sad for him. I've been seeing someone new for a month, a nice, normal guy. Nothing serious yet, we're very slowly Learning to know each other. It's nice, no love-bombing, no red flags. I've been wanting to go on with my life, to not make the same mistakes, to love and forgive myself. To forgive him and wish we could just get on with our lives without hurting each other more. I haven't reached out to him because I don't want any more pain and I know there can't be any good anymore between us because I am a trigger now and I can't help him, can't ease his pain and all my love and care for him can only bring more pain on both sides.

So my wish was to go on with my life, with this life experience in my baggage to be a better person, stronger, be happy, new beginnings with this new knowledge, self-awareness. Thinking he will eventually stop contacting and maybe, maybe we can both go on with our lives and not cause any more damage. I wanted no conflict, I wanted things to just fade away.

Yesterday my exBPDbf talked with a common friend, a work colleague of mine who was friends with him and has had no contact with him for a few months - she has her own issues with him, and she's also been my confident since the b/u, she knows about the stalking etc.

He told her that I am a b***tc for not talking to him, that I was seeing someone else while we were together. And that I have tried to hit him with my car. The conversation turned very ugly. She basically told him he was crazy and needed serious help, not from a single psychiatrist but a whole team of them, and to stop harassing me or she would take care of him. That she wanted nothing to do with him and to go the f***k away and to move far far away and to leave us alone.

So more ugly stuff. More pain. He knows a lot of people from my workplace, he's been working there for a year, and he lives 2 blocks away from my job. He constantly runs into them on his way to his place. So yes, I am worried about the smear campaign, and I am mostly hurt, sad and angry again. Because I have been nothing but good and loving and supportive and nice and patient, and more to him. While he's been lying, push pulling, probably cheating and all the BPD great stuff we all know about. Because why does he have to make things even uglier and hard?

I guess I was in denial thinking that things would stop and that I could go on with my life. I should have known better after all the stories I read here, I should have known that it would have to turn uglier and more painful. I should have known that there were still some chapters missing in the BPD scenario.

[Yolanda123]

I guess things are following their course... .the BPD scenario... .after 3 months post b/u, he has been stalking, texting, leaving messages... .for the most part, the texts and messages were on  the nice side... .I miss you, I wish things had turned out differently, I wish you would talk to me... .sometimes on the blaming side... .if you had truly loved me, you would talk to me, I guess you've found someone else... .Then a few weeks ago, a text and a message not so nice... .a delusional message accusing me of something I had nothing to do with, an aggressive tone... then the day after a nice again message saying he is sorry, he's just resentful that I won't talk to him, that he will 'try' to leave me alone. I've been NC for 2 months 1/2. Hoping that I can get over this and live my life as peacefully as possible. I've been seeing my therapist, I've been thinking a lot, about me, why I accepted things in this r/s that I should not have. I've been crying a lot, hurting like hell, having a hard time not answering to him, feeling guilty, feeling sad for him. I've been seeing someone new for a month, a nice, normal guy. Nothing serious yet, we're very slowly Learning to know each other. It's nice, no love-bombing, no red flags. I've been wanting to go on with my life, to not make the same mistakes, to love and forgive myself. To forgive him and wish we could just get on with our lives without hurting each other more. I haven't reached out to him because I don't want any more pain and I know there can't be any good anymore between us because I am a trigger now and I can't help him, can't ease his pain and all my love and care for him can only bring more pain on both sides.

So my wish was to go on with my life, with this life experience in my baggage to be a better person, stronger, be happy, new beginnings with this new knowledge, self-awareness. Thinking he will eventually stop contacting and maybe, maybe we can both go on with our lives and not cause any more damage. I wanted no conflict, I wanted things to just fade away.

Yesterday my exBPDbf talked with a common friend, a work colleague of mine who was friends with him and has had no contact with him for a few months - she has her own issues with him, and she's also been my confident since the b/u, she knows about the stalking etc.

He told her that I am a b***tc for not talking to him, that I was seeing someone else while we were together. And that I have tried to hit him with my car. The conversation turned very ugly. She basically told him he was crazy and needed serious help, not from a single psychiatrist but a whole team of them, and to stop harassing me or she would take care of him. That she wanted nothing to do with him and to go the f***k away and to move far far away and to leave us alone.

So more ugly stuff. More pain. He knows a lot of people from my workplace, he's been working there for a year, and he lives 2 blocks away from my job. He constantly runs into them on his way to his place. So yes, I am worried about the smear campaign, and I am mostly hurt, sad and angry again. Because I have been nothing but good and loving and supportive and nice and patient, and more to him. While he's been lying, push pulling, probably cheating and all the BPD great stuff we all know about. Because why does he have to make things even uglier and hard?

I guess I was in denial thinking that things would stop and that I could go on with my life. I should have known better after all the stories I read here, I should have known that it would have to turn uglier and more painful. I should have known that there were still some chapters missing in the BPD scenario.

[Yolanda123]

I feel like a broken record. I had been feeling better for the last weeks. Have had my record of non-crying days since the b/u. And then this conversation between my exBPDbf and the friend really got to me and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm trying to understand why I am back to crying today. First, I am not happy about the way the friend talked to my ex. I had clearly told her that if she was to ever talk to him, that she not talk about me, that the way she wants to handle what has been going on between her and him is her business, but to leave me out of the discussion. I am a big girl and am handling things my way. I don't like the fact that she told him such harsh stuff, nothing I would have ever said to him. Now I get it from her perspective, she's a straightforward person, no filter, and she just said what first came to her mind without thinking, with good intentions towards me. Still it makes me feel uneasy. And feeling guilty that I confided in her and trusted her. I feel such anger towards my ex still at times, but I don't want him to hurt. I still care about him. I would never want to tell him anything hurtful. He has enough struggles in his life, all I really want is to go on with my life and for nobody to get hurt more. Limit the damage to what's already been done and go on. I Wonder if it will be possible.

I'm also struggling with what he said about me, that I was cheating on him (which is not true) and that I tried to hit him with my car (obviously not true!). I realize this is predictable and typical BPD's behaviour post b/u, and I have read so many similar stories, and worse, but I'm wondering: do they believe their own lies? I can understand he is projecting with the cheating stories, but does he really believe I tried to hit him with my car?

I know it should not matter what he thinks, but it does 

[enlighten me]

My view on smear campaigns is that if you don't know them then who cares what they think of you. If you do know them then your actions will have spoken louder than words and it is unlikely that the ex will be believed and if they know you really well then as your friend did they wont believe a thing and the ex will be seen as the crazy one.

If the smear campaign threatens you though then action should be taken. By threatens I mean accusations of breaking the law that could get you in trouble or something that could jeopardise your job. If these happen then writing to them telling them that if they don't desist you will be forced to take legal action may stop it. If you don't want to do it yourself then speak to a lawyer.

I was hurt by what my exs said about me. My ex wife told people she divorced me because I beat our sons. These are the boys now living with me and refusing to have anything to do with their mum.