How to truly start moving on when it doesn't make sense

[Corgicuddler95]

Hi family. Thank you for everything the last month, I know I post to much but it's nice having a group of people to talk to who understand BPD to an extent.

So after finally seeing my ex again at a social gathering and see her cold indifference to me, seemingly trying to punish and hurt me, I've had the worse day in over a month. Every time I think I'm starting to get better something kicks me till I'm as low as I can be. I'm even crying as I type this. The last time I saw her before yesterday we were at a wedding being told we would be next and the time before that we went abroad together, now nothing.

I know I deserve better and to be with someone who truely cares about me but its so hard not to think about my ex being with someone else especially as she is coming to all these university society events I have to run. She has friends there but I wish she would let up for a while, my head can't take it.

It's almost been 3 months now and the pain today feels as fresh as ever. I just need someone to tell me it will be ok or tell me how they finally started moving on.

Edit: it's made all the worse not knowing why she ever did any of this. A friended suggested it was due to engulfment but my ex never really talked to me about it, never tried to explain.

[enlighten me]

Hi CC

It does honestly get better. I was married to a uBPD woman. we were together for 14 years in total. She dumped me and after about a year I was ok. I then met an exgf and got together with her. She is the reason I found this site.

Its been a year and a half and Im happy. Im more grounded and less stressed. People cant believe how well I handle things now. I learnt a lot from my experiences mostly about myself.

It may have taken me longer than some to get to where I am but in my defence I have been dealing with two uBPD exs that I have kids with.

The biggest things in my opinion for moving on are understanding BPD and why they do things and understanding what it was about me that allowed it to happen. When you can answer these questions honestly then you are pretty much there.

EM

[myself]

It's not an easy process for many of us, often going minute to minute. What helped me was looking at my own strengths and weaknesses and going from there. It helped me believe in myself more, finding a better sense of personal balance after all the doubts and questions (and chaos) in the r/s. It gave me something positive to focus on, with the best results when I took real action. Facing it instead of stuffing it away/running from it. It's definitely a time of grieving, sorting through facts and feelings. One thing I do is visualizing letting go, whether that is the woman I loved or the plans we had or... .But I still have days where it makes less sense than others.

[blissful_camper]

Spending time with others who are emotionally mature and have a positive outlook on life was an important part of my healing process. That interaction reinforced what I envisioned for myself as I moved forward. I also engaged in activities that increased my sense of well being (that was working with horses for me), any activity that brought meaning into my life and might make a difference for another (e.g. volunteer work, donating time at a hospital, or a senior center).  Solitary activities included watching movies, reading, creating art, gardening, hiking.

[Alberto]

Hi family. Thank you for everything the last month, I know I post to much but it's nice having a group of people to talk to who understand BPD to an extent.

So after finally seeing my ex again at a social gathering and see her cold indifference to me, seemingly trying to punish and hurt me, I've had the worse day in over a month. Every time I think I'm starting to get better something kicks me till I'm as low as I can be. I'm even crying as I type this. The last time I saw her before yesterday we were at a wedding being told we would be next and the time before that we went abroad together, now nothing.

I know I deserve better and to be with someone who truely cares about me but its so hard not to think about my ex being with someone else especially as she is coming to all these university society events I have to run. She has friends there but I wish she would let up for a while, my head can't take it.

It's almost been 3 months now and the pain today feels as fresh as ever. I just need someone to tell me it will be ok or tell me how they finally started moving on.

Edit: it's made all the worse not knowing why she ever did any of this. A friended suggested it was due to engulfment but my ex never really talked to me about it, never tried to explain.

No contact is the only way. Every day you don't see her you are one step closer to forgetting. I didn't have that luxury but I'm doing well with low contact. It gets better.

There are lots of theories but I'm convinced that a BPD signs out of the relationship the very moment they start to love you.

[Bigmd]

I came here almost two months ago. I've had jus about the same amount of time nc. I was crushed after my ex left me for what seemed to me like no reason. I mean she gave reasons but they made no sense at the time. Then I found out about BPD and it all made sense. But nonetheless I was still crushed and hurting. I kept no contact mainly to keep my dignity. The way she talked to me when we broke up was effed up. Anyway I thought there was no possible way I would get over it. I couldn't eat, stopped going to the gym, called out of work etc. I came here and kept reading post after post until I realize it was nothing I did and there is nothing I can do to change the situation. I won't say I'm completely over it but it's getting better. I even met someone else that has her s?$t together. Just stick with it, NC is the way to go. Even as hard as it is.