Ex with BPD / Difficult to move on

[tribalmart]

Hi

Here is my story :

I'm a single 38 yo male, father of a beautiful girl of 6 years old (shared custody) and I had a vasectomy 4 years ago. 3 years ago I met (trough a dating site) this beautiful woman of 26 years old, I was 35. Love at first sight... .beautiful, intelligent, sweet, sexy and very sensual... .nothing else to say, the jackpot!

**RED FLAG** She was in couple, her bf was out of the country on vacation for 1 month , she was cheating on him! My little voice told me to stay distrustful, it was suspicious... .but with time and passion I forgot.

We were deeply attracted and so in love. When the guy came back from vacation, she decided to break up with him (9 years relationship) to move to my home. The guy was devastated. She told me that he was violent and that the relation was very weak.

The first year with her was like a dream, she was very nice with my daughter, great sex, great complicity... .everything was perfect! I was like a king for her, the most beautiful man on earth, she bought me alot of gift, even had a tattoo of my name. I have to say that this girl is shy, quiet, and low-profile. Then came the unavoidable question... .Do you want to have a baby with me? I told her that I had been very clear on that point from the very start of our relationship... .no more kid for me! At that time I did'nt know that I had wake up the devil inside her!

She started to become very depressed and very very jealous of my daughter and my complicity with her. She was always on her cell, took many many selfies, go out all the time with her friends, lower sex-drive. After a couple of months, I told her that if having a baby was a priority for her then it would be better for both of us to end the relationship. She decided to stay with me... .but her behavior did'nt change.

I was very doubtful, my little voice told me to watch her, that she could cheat on me like she did with her ex. Guess what? I caught her on a dating site and finaly I broke up with her. I told her to move away from my home and she did. She began to text me, to call me, to cry insanely and 1 month later I gave her a second chance. I'm gonna do it short... .After, I gave her a second and a third chance and got caught on internet chasing the male(3 times!). Between every chance always the same pattern... .insane text message... .30-40 times a days... .she cried and cried... .she sent pics of her crying or sensual pics to tease me, INTENSE HARASSMENT! I was so confused why is she harassing me, crying to get me back while she was on dating site... .why? And when I gave her a chance she still cheated on my back... .why? I decided to cut everything... .no more contact with her. She told me that it was my fault because I refuse to have a baby from her.

She finally came to my home to convince me to take her back... that she will never lie to me again and that she will tell everything I want to know... and we had sex We had sex a couple days in a row and a friend of me told me that he saw her with a guy... .she had a new boyfriend, younger than her like 23 years old... .baseball cap & honda civic you know what I mean... .ridiculous, that girl is working for the gouvernment as an accountant WOW what a match! I was so furious! She's a pathological liar and she's insane! With that guy she started to drink and smoke pot every night. I have never seen someone who manipulate that way. Her mind set change every day... .even a couple times a day! The most frighting thing is that nobody who doesnt know her very well wont be able to tell you that shes insane to that point. I think she's a quiet borderline.

And you know what she tried again... .text message 30-40 time a day... .but only between 9-5 (working time)... .to play a mysterious game... .it was worst than ever... .crisis, pics, she was so confused. She texted while being drunk... .she went like "If you do not answer I'll be at your home in 1 hour... ." Even if I told her that I would go to the police she did'nt stop. I decided to call her mom and her best friend to tell them to help her and that if she continue that way I'll go to the police. I also changed my cell number. Since that time she stopped... .just a couple of email, thats it! She's really sick and she knows! she told me many times that she needs help and that never I would like to be in her skin... .never! Her speech and her action doesnt match, it's so confusing. She can tell me that I'm the man of her life and cheat on me... .? I have always said that she has no empathy, she's cold as stone and does'nt realize the pain she causes. And for the manipulation she's expert! She "knows" that she need help but does'nt look for a psychologist or a doctor.

Anyways, I'm tired to think... .I know that it's impossible between us, she's a vampire. That relation wounded me, I can feel pain even if she's gone (for the moment). I have to heal because it was a ver hard time for my heart for my soul. I have been honest all the time and that b**ch s coming in my life. I know I deserve alot better but it's weird, I miss her... .but I think it's only sexual. I'm not jealous anymore about her new boyfriend, I know she's in a rebound and he's only her next vicitm... .poor guy! I have alot of rage in my heart, I hope so deeply that one day she will pay for that... .and I know life and god knows what she did. Like I said I think she's a quiet borderline because of her low profile personnality... .what do you think of that? any advice for me? I feel tired and sad... .I really need to move on but it's difficult! Thank you in advance and sorry formaking some grammar mistakes this is not my first language!

[EJ]

I am in the same boat & just want to let you know you're not alone. I was cheated on by my ex girlfriend of 3 years that I believe has BPD. When I left she called, texted, email & showed up at my house countless time begging for me to take her back. When I decided to give her another chance she left me 3 weeks later. I'm angry, sad, hurt, broken and empty. I have no idea how to pick myself back up & move on, but I'll keep fighting & I hope you do too. Best wishes!

[MSNYC]

Wow tribalmart, sorry for all this. I know that looking back, it's easy to see all the red flags - but sex and love in those early stages really blind us to those facts, right? Stay strong. Now that you know there is a name for her difficult behavior you might be able to start to recover. Keep us posted!

[tribalmart]

Thank you so much guy for your comments... .I can't tell you how much I apreciate! sharing on this forum is a great way to stay healthy and keep working hard!

I have'nt had news from her for 8 days... .I really dont want to hear from her! The withdrawal is going well! Each days is not the same for me... .sometimes I feel very strong, sometimes I feel very weak. The hardest thing is that I'm afraid of not finding again the sexual high that I had with her... .I know a normal and healthy relation is not only based on sex. I hope that's gonna be possible to have it again in a healthy relation... .I hope but Im not sure! I'm working hard to feel better every days and also because I know that maybe one day she will try to get back, using her best weapon SEX! If that happen it's gonna be the ultimate test! Those kind of people are able to destroy any good guy and like you said when you understand they are sick and that there's a name for this weird and crual behavior it helps ALOT!

[Ashamedandangry]

I completely understand what you all have been through.  My ex male BPD put me through the same exact heartache.  I finally walked away from the 7 year relationship, yes 7 wasted years only a month ago and it doesn't get easier.  My heart aches every day.  I still love this monster.  It's sad even saying the words I love him.  He still stalks me and taunts me. I'm hoping that one day I will wake up and he's erased from my heart and mind.  I'm on this sad, frustrating long journey to find peace.  I hope you all find it also.

[tribalmart]

Stay strong! 7 years Wow!   Love is not the right word! first of all ,they don't deserve our love. It's an addicition, they play with us to feed their pain & their weakness. Living as a roller-coaster is'nt easy and after 7 years I'm sure your wound are deep. It's very sad to say but their love is like an illusion because loving someone is to care about him/her, they have no empathy! Try to read and to share it's gonna help you ALOT dont stay alone, go out there alot of good man on this earth! time will give you answer, after the rain... .the sun! Dont forget he is sick... .really sick and his internal life is surely an hell. Keep us posted!

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

tribalmart,

Your case is almost Identical to mine.  They don't have remorse or Integrity on anything they do. They always put a excuse for what they do and blame it on their partner. I went through this a year ago. I saw her again, but at random times. I broke up with her this time. At first I could not say No when she came back. I was obsessed with her and did not want to be alone.

Please read my original post to compare our situations and see that these people have similarities in their actions. I am still in the leaving/Healing Process.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=226134.0