My borderline-ex is back

[Anne166]

I split up with what I believed to be a borderline male, six years ago. We were together for 9 years previously and the pattern of that relationship convinced me that he was borderline disordered, eg hot passion and mostly good times for the 1st two years, but then a steady decline marked with vicious verbal (and physical once) attacks. I have a PhD in psychology so used cognitive-behavioural tactics to deal with him; it worked for him but totally annihilated me! Things got so bad that one day I just packed up his things into bags, stacked them outside the front of the house and got the locks changed (I informed him of this by text). 

Now, six years later, he has suddenly re-emerged; smiling, charming and as seductive as ever... .so much so that I fell into bed with him last weekend.  The sex was totally amazing; all night orgasms... .

I'm hoping I can 'contain' things by only eating together in restaurants and constraining the relationship to sex, ie no cohabiting. The problem is that I was so destroyed by our previous relationship and even now - six years later, I'm still on antidepressants (Prozac).  Am I mad?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[letmeout]

Mad as a hatter, just because you know what is coming, eventually. I don't think I would take a million dollars to get into any kind of a relationship with my ex. It is not worth the damage they can cause.  

[an0ught]

Hi Anne166,

you had a long term relationship with the guy and so extrapolating it could again be a longer term thing if you decide so.

I'm hoping I can 'contain' things by only eating together in restaurants and constraining the relationship to sex, ie no cohabiting. The problem is that I was so destroyed by our previous relationship and even now - six years later, I'm still on antidepressants (Prozac).  Am I mad?

Good question. It could help you moving forward or it could drag you down. There are some of us that are drawn for various reasons to such relationships and avoiding this one may just set you up for another one of the same kind. It is tempting to blame the past relationship for your problems but that is to a degree denying your role in that past relationship. I don't want to blame the victim here - far from it... .

I was in a similar situation for another reason and getting back with my old ex - now my wife - helped me getting back on my feet again. Then a few years later all hell broke loose and I found this board. Now life is back to almost normal 

So please, please, please don't underestimate the work you got to do on yourself (consider getting a T) and the work you have to do to deal with a partner with BPD. Basic boundaries like not co-habiting are a good idea but you need more than just ideas - you need properly planned boundaries where you know what you do when they are tested and are willing to pay the price for protecting them. Because they will be tested.

Study the LESSONS and join the discussions. You may find this board not just useful to navigate the now but also to heal from the past.

,

a0