It's my birthday on Monday...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's my birthday on Monday. It'll pass with little acknowledgement. These significant days hit me. I won't be spending it with my BPDxbf. I know that's best, but I can still remember the things that happened that gave me hope that we could find a way through the mire. I haven't had any contact with him for 6 weeks since he went no contact saying it was a permanent state of affairs. I doubt that I'll even get a happy birthday from him, which will just underscore that it's really over. It could be a sad day. No doubt my old flame will contact me though. I'll spend the day fending off the man I don't want to be with and yet have no contact with the man I do want to be with. Why is life so cruel and perverse?

Lifewriter x

[Lifewriter16]

It's my birthday on Monday. It'll pass with little acknowledgement. These significant days hit me. I won't be spending it with my BPDxbf. I know that's best, but I can still remember the things that happened that gave me hope that we could find a way through the mire. I haven't had any contact with him for 6 weeks since he went no contact saying it was a permanent state of affairs. I doubt that I'll even get a happy birthday from him, which will just underscore that it's really over. It could be a sad day. No doubt my old flame will contact me though. I'll spend the day fending off the man I don't want to be with and yet have no contact with the man I do want to be with. Why is life so cruel and perverse?

Lifewriter x

[Lonely_Astro]

In case I am not able to get online Monday: HAPPY FRAKING BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 

I know how tough it can be wanting to be with him, especially on your birthday.  My pwBPD jettisoned our r/s right around our birthdays (ours is only a few days apart), which made it super tough because it literally came out of nowhere.  Now here we are several weeks later with LC and it will be transitioning to NC soon.  I say that because while I could keep going (she ST me last night) today and see if I can snowball the NC, but I'm afraid when I see her monday (we work together) the emotional floodgates will open and I'll just give her a piece of my mind.

I have written many replies here that tell the story of Jane and me.  I won't rehash them here, but I do agree with you that life can be cruel and perverse at times.  I say at times because what we have experienced with our pwBPD isn't normal.  We have been in the FOG for a long time (some longer than others) and we all are on different parts of the path, but we're all on the path together.  I know that it will be tough to not respond if he contacts you (man, do I ever!), but if you can summon the strength to not reply, things will become more and more clear to you.  I struggle with that as well.  I'm taking baby steps by LC, even though I intend to go NC when I feel truly ready.  I don't know why I'm even staying LC, she's became rather abusive (mentally) over the past several weeks (and I am 99% certain I've been replaced, hence why she's abusing me - she wouldn't do it unless she had a fresh supply).

Each day that I spend not really in contact with her though helps remove more FOG.  Our relationship even her has been a fata morgana.  Time will ease the pain, but you'll always have the scar.

Good luck on your journey and again HAPPY BIRHTDAY

[C.Stein]

I doubt that I'll even get a happy birthday from him, which will just underscore that it's really over. It could be a sad day.

This is what happened with me and it was a very sad day and has been ever since (coming up on 2 months).  I hope it will be less sad for you.  Maybe turn it into a day for new beginnings?

[once removed]

happy birthday, lifewriter . are you planning anything for your birthday?

[shatra]

Happy Birthday to you! WHen he went NC is that what you wanted as well?  Have you had breakups with him before?

[Little oak]

It was my birthday a short time ago,I received no acknowledgement. It hurts but I do think they remember,the non recognition I see as a punishment. It was her birthday shortly after mine and I wanted wish her a happy birthday,perhaps for selfish reasons of my own but at least in future to be able to look back and say I treated this person with compassion and respect.

Anyway happy birthday for monday

[Lifewriter16]

Thanks for your birthday wishes guys. I'll likely be going for a curry buffet with a friend at lunch time (assuming she's recovered from the nasty bug she had when I last saw her). I'll spend the evening with my daughters.

Love Lifewriter

[Lonely_Astro]

Thanks for your birthday wishes guys. I'll likely be going for a curry buffet with a friend at lunch time (assuming she's recovered from the nasty bug she had when I last saw her). I'll spend the evening with my daughters.

Love Lifewriter

MMMMM  curry!

Glad to hear you'll be spending time with your kids.  Kids heal even the most broken of hearts.  I can feel down in the dumps and one smile from mine and the world instantly is brighter.  I absolutely love to hear their laugh, another instant heart-lifter in my book.

Enjoy their company Monday!

[Wu-tang]

First of all... .HAPPY BIRTHDAY for when it comes  

I know how you feel.  The last two birthdays have been ruined by my exgf.  My birthday is at the start of November.

The first time was only a few weeks after meeting her.  She invited me over to her flat the evening before my birthday.  I was meant to be staying over.  She made a great dinner.  She then designed a little scavenger hunt through her flat with a present in each room and a clue as to where the next present was.  This took me outside into the car park and when I came up she had dimmed the lights and had a home-made birthday cake lit and waiting for me.  Naturally, I was amazed.  To go to that much effort.  But when I went to kiss her she turned her head and said she wasn't over her last boyfriend, which stunned me.  She then didn't want me to leave.  I eventually did and spent the evening over into my birthday really upset and alone.  But she text me on my birthday with a really happy, loving text talking about how she hoped I had an amazing day.  I didn't reply and she spent the next week clambering to get me back and telling me she was over her ex a week later.  Of course in later discussions this was turned on it's head and me being upset became me not appreciating the effort she had put in.

The second time was 2 weeks ago.  She broke up with me end of October after telling me she had booked two amazing restaurants over the weekend she couldn't wait to go to with me.  I then find out she had been setting up her next guy behind my back.  She met up with him within 3 days of leaving and was sleeping with him more or less by the time my birthday came.  I got a very bland text on my birthday saying "Happy Birthday, hope you have a good day."  That was it, no warmth or emotion.  I think now she was testing the water as we had been N/C for a couple of weeks.  Maybe it was to manipulate me, who knows?

All I can say is I'm glad she won't be around (I sincerely hope!) next year when I turn the big 3-0.  Ominously, a few months ago she told me she was already planning on what she was going to do :S

Anyway, I hope you have an amazing day when it comes and keep your head up  

[thisagain]

I know this can be really tough. Just try to do whatever you can to have a good day and take care of yourself, okay? Sounds like you have a good plan

Also be wary that he might try to use the heightened emotions to bait you or start drama... .My ex broke up with me a few weeks before my birthday, then we kind of recycled or started a more healing-separation kind of arrangement, and then ON my birthday she revealed that she'd been getting involved with the replacement.

[tribalmart]

Happy Bday lifeWriter,

My daughter has the same birth! So tommorow she's the queen of the day! You know, give yourself a gift... .a great gift! Free your mind of your ex and spend a beautiful day with your daughters! Child are unconditonnal love!

[C.Stein]

Happy B-Day LifeWriter!   

[Sunfl0wer]

Happy Birthday!  Curry buffet sounds delicious!   

Enjoy!

[Wu-tang]

Happy Birthday!

[Learning Fast]

LW,

Have a great birthday!

LF

[Mutt]

Lifewriter16,

Happy Birthday!

[Lifewriter16]

Hi All,

Thank you for all your birthday wishes. I really appreciate them.

I did get birthday greetings from my BPDxbf, which made me cry yesterday because he still cares, and made me cry again this morning, because we both know that we can't make things work even though we love each other.

I got an abusive email rather than a birthday greeting from my old flame because I refused to meet him today and re-iterated that it's over.

Here are some of the highlights:

"you are so contradictory... .i think you should follow your own advice and go join a nunnery... .you are just too f*cked up to expect it ever to last with any ordinary neurotypical male... .if you can't learn to communicate the feelings you have in real time with the person you're with, then there's no hope for you... .

p.s. I had a birthday card for you, but I tore it to pieces last night.

if you don't want to even See me on your birthday, then there's no point in giving you a card."

He said that the reason our relationship ended was my inability to talk to him face-to-face in real time not his lack of attraction. Well he can believe what he likes but I think my BPDxbf is worth ten of my old flame. My BPDxbf loved me for who I was. He didn't try to make me over or go on about how he didn't fancy me and really wanted to be with a goth woman or how he really liked oriental cross-dressers. Quite frankly, I could give my old flame a piece of my mind, but I'm not going to bother. I just want rid of him. I'm pretty cross though.

Love Lifewriter

[cloudten]

Happy Birthday!

I think your exflame is a boundary crasher... .destroyer. He seems very controlling... .and right now he is angry because you have put a boundary in place and following through with it... .and he cannot control you. It is making him angry. It is making him throw out all sorts of things to get a response from you.

He is not a neurotypical male... .he is delusional. I wouldn't take anything he tried insulting you with personally... .he is just mad about the boundary.  Keep your boundary. Hold on to NC with him. Giving him a millimeter is exactly what he wants. Stay strong... .the fastest way to be rid of him is to be rid of him. Reject the rejector. He is an a$$. Do not feel bad for him. Be happy for you.

As for your BPDxbf... .i know the feeling of loving each other but not able to make things work. 

Were you able to make plans as you were worried about that earlier in the month?

[Panda39]

Enjoy your day!

Panda39