What made you realize it was time to stop?

[butterfly15]

My pwBpd ex left me. I think he had been cheating on me pretty much the entire 2 years we were together with multiple people. We met online dating. So as things were getting rocky and he started painting me black out of no where. Mind you just about 2 months ago he stopped talking to me for about 2 weeks again out of no where. He came crying back professing his love only wants me he is changing his mindset blah blah. I decided to create an alias online dating profile. He took the bait and started a conversation with me. Disappeared for a week and came back telling the alias to message him again he thought it was a fake profile. So I did. He told me (the alias) "we belong together" "I want you so bad" "we are a perfect match". Then he invited me to his place. We had been messages for about an hour? He didn't know what I looked like, what my name was. I didn't know his. He practically purposed to me and he had no idea who I was. I wasn't even a real person. He lied in every response he gave. It was disgusting to read that. I wondered how long had this been going on? I confronted him with pictures he had sent my alias. He laughed and told me to "eat it up". Never apologized or tried to explain.

He had never been there for me emotionally. No empathy. I guess he was incapable of a lot. He was the best lover I ever had. I miss that part. I am relieved otherwise. So much self doubt. I'm hoping to forget about him all together. It has been 2 weeks since our last contact. I feel he has had another me for quite a while and just was waiting to make that decision for himself to leave. He pretty much used me until there was nothing left. He had nothing and still doesn't have anything but his charm and great lovemaking skills. Does this sound familiar? He admitted many times that he had mental illness. I though he was just depressed. He had a ton going on from a divorce/ custody battle for years.  How does someone (meaning him) live like that? going around collecting his jar of hearts.

[Wu-tang]

My exgf indicated she had been to the doctor in the past for depression and was prone to mood swings over the smallest thing. I put it down to her personality not mental illness. She was exceptionally beautiful, very intelligent and in many aspects of her life seemed to 'have it together'. It was only after spending a lot of time with her that I saw her mask starting to slip. There were many red flags that I chose to ignore because I was so inamoured with her. Something, only in hindsight, I can say I should have paid attention to.

By the end of the relationship the push/pull dynamics were making me crazy and I just couldn't work out what she wanted. I knew it was a toxic relationship and said that to her but I was addicted. I've now realised I was waiting for it to get better... .but it never did. After silent/moody treatment and her pushing me away and refusing to discuss anything I sometimes found myself sitting on the couch thinking to myself "Things would feel so much better if I was single" and comforting myself with the thought that I would have so much more peace of mind if that were the case.

I never fully walked away from her (I see you read my post) and when we had the final fallout I just let it happen and didn't fight to get her back. That said she didn't recycle this time either and now has a replacement and I've been NC ever since with no formal closure of our year long relationship.

I'm only coming to terms with it through this site and people's very similar experiences. It also helps that my brother is a doctor and although he can't diagnose officially he says she sounds as though she's'unequivocally' BPD.

[hashtag_loyal]

For me it was the lying. I stuck around a little longer than I needed, but once I became aware of the dishonesty and pathological lying, I knew then that the r/s would eventually have to end.

[Mutt]

How does someone (meaning him) live like that? going around collecting his jar of hearts.

Hi butterfly15,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can relate. My ex wife started an affair in our marriage and had the other man under her wing and left with him. That was the time for me to stop when I was triangulated and they were in their honeymoon. She wanted me at arm's length in case things didn't work out but I couldn't do it. I felt resentful, angry and hurt that she was careless and didn't care about the marriage. I took my marriage vows seriously.

BPD often has concurent clinical depression. Everyone that has BPD is a different person with different personality traits and at the onset of the r/s they genuily feel love, the person wants emotional intimacy, but they become triggered when we get too close and then they push loved ones away which can leave us feeling like it's crazy making behavior. I agree with Wu-tang that the mask starts to slip because the pwBPD part time self fails. 

My Definition of Love. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

[Joem678]

The way I was feeling this time around.  I was having suicidal thoughts.  I started to get anxiety and panic attacks.  I would chase but this time I was like nope!'  She even told me I had to chase her!  After 19 years, my mind couldn't take it anymore.  Got myself into counseling and started to keep my distance.  I started to set boundaries.  I've never allow her to get aggressive because i would take her back and chase.  This time around, I see her starting to get aggressive.   We have four kids which makes it tough.  But I have to stay away or I will end up part of the spousal suicide statistic.  I feel great now.  I miss her but Im making myself right. 

[zundertowz]

For me it was threats of police involvement, I put up with lots of abuse both mentally and physically but trying to ruin my life and showing no remorse about it pretty much sealed the deal, no one could possibly love you and want you to be homeless and ruined.  Plus I was broken and suicidal at this point and she preyed on that.  It's one thing to have periodic outburst... .it's a completely other thing to have a plan to destroy someones life.