Honestly I'm afraid to go home today. I cant stand when I get put on trial...

[Macenroe82]

Hello all.

New here

Ive been married for 5 years this December 17 to my wife who has BPD. The signs of the illness were present pretty much from the get go. Always dramatising everything, having tantrums and screaming fits when confronted with a question. But it was pretty spaced out in the beginning. So i just chalked it up as someone who cant control their emotions.

Then one Christmas things got bad. She went into a bad depression. I was being accused of everything under the sun. From being in the mafia to being a cop. Living a double life, wanting to kill her for insurance money. That i didnt have a real job and when i would leave town every week for work, i was really living with my other family and making my pay stubs on the computer and sending them to the house.

After months of reassuring her and trying to calm her, she finally broke down and said she wanted to go to the hospital.

The mental health services in my city are close to useless. And it took a very long time to even speak to someone

Finally i talked to the nurse at my work and they recommend I contact our EAP rep through my work benefits. The next say we found her a councillor.

She started seeing the psych.

I would drive her to every appointment, i took a lot of time off from work to help her through this.

I have always been as supportive as a husband could. From a lot of reading i actually put up with a lot more than lots have.

The emotional abuse i took. It really hurts to even think about it. I have a thick skin, but it still really bothered me.

I am a mining engineer. I work out of town Monday till Thursdays.

I was being accused of coming to work and then leaving immediately to go drive around town. She would then call me at work and say i just seen you driving down the road... .

I would try to reassure her "hey you just called me at work, clearly i am not in town. It takes close to 2 hours to drive to town."

So fast forward 2 years a few major break downs but they were quick to resolve, and here we are.

4 days ago i started noticing her blowing things up again.

I was accused last night of driving to town, placing a mitten on a bench, and opening some grape juice. All the while this happened just as she stepped out of the house.

I explained to her she needed to settle down and really think about what shes saying. I reminded her that she herself said that her new anti depressant made her feel weird. I then told her all the instances ive noticed over the past 4 days from conversations over the phone with her. And i think it made her realize she was in the midst of another episode.

I told her to stop taking that medication and to talk to the doctor to try something else because clearly it was not working.

Honestly im afraid to go home today. I cant stand when i get put on trial for all the nonsense she makes up in her mind.

I litterally do 2 things with my life. I go to work, and come home to my family. I have zero social life, i dont drink or do drugs.

Im a slave to her emotions. But i love her to death. No matter what though, i am always the bad guy. Someone can make her mad and somehow she draws a connection to me. That im somehow responsible for it.

What am i doing wrong?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Skip]

Hi.These are tough relationship. Our partners struggle.  In time, we get lost in it, too. 

It takes some stepping back and re-evaluating to reset our compasses, regain our strength and perspective.

Can you give us an example of a recent problem to work through with you?

[flourdust]

Hi, Macenroe82. What you describe sounds awful. Nobody deserves to deal with that.

I often fear going home because of that sense of being put on trial. However, what you're describing sounds like it is shading from a personality disorder into actual psychosis. Has she been diagnosed?

[Macenroe82]

Last night, i was accused of leaving work at some point during the day, driving 2 hours back to home. Miraculously arriving just after she went out to grab a coffee and walk around a store. I dont even have a house key, because i gave one to the landlord and my wife holds the master set of keys when im out of town.

Then i entered the home, placed a mitten on a bench we have in our entrance way, had something to drink because a carton was out of place. Then headed back to work.

As well she through out some girls name and asked about 4 years ago. Its like she makes up all these insane scenarios in her head and then thinks they are real.

I have NEVER once every thought of betraying my wife. I married her for a reason. That was to spend the rest of my life dedicated to her and our kids.

But its like she cant wrap her head around this concept that im soley for her and always will be.

Hell we split up for 2 months at one point. An still i had zero desire to look for a girl. Being unfaithful in a marriage not only ruins the entire concept behind the devotion but if I wasnt ready to dedicate myself to my wife and only her for the rest of my life, i wouldn't of married her in the first place.

Yet she will make up girls names, scenarios and any other sort of garble she can accuse me of.

Im just so frustrated.  I get scared even having a conversation with her when shes like this, because she will take anything thats said, totaly twist it and pervert it into something it never was ment to mean and then try to use it against me.

I could be wearing a bright red t shirt, and tell her my shirts pretty red, and ill be accused of lying about the colour and trying to make her think shes crazy.

[Macenroe82]

Hi, Macenroe82. What you describe sounds awful. Nobody deserves to deal with that.

I often fear going home because of that sense of being put on trial. However, what you're describing sounds like it is shading from a personality disorder into actual psychosis. Has she been diagnosed?

She went to counselling for 3 months or so, but it seemed like every time she went the Dr would say okay let me review everything and ill give you a diagnosis. The Dr said it sounds a lot like BPD, a lot of the symptoms. But my wife was feeling better and felt she didn't need to go any more after being led astray every week by the dr.  So she stopped going.

[flourdust]

If possible, you should see if you can get her to make an appointment for a mental health assessment with someone who will administer a test like the MMPI, which is a good assessment for psychotic patterns of thought. I fear you might be dealing with something worse than BPD.

[Macenroe82]

If possible, you should see if you can get her to make an appointment for a mental health assessment with someone who will administer a test like the MMPI, which is a good assessment for psychotic patterns of thought. I fear you might be dealing with something worse than BPD.

I remember she had that test done. I sat in on it to ensure she was given honest answers.

But the Dr never gave her the results. it was always" next session we will discuss this"

Then after 3 months of that every week my yearly coverage ran out and the crooks wanted $300 a session

[Macenroe82]

I just talked to her on the phone, and it was all kittens and rainbows. I love you hunny, what do you want for dinner... .

Its just from one extreme to the other. An really messing with my head