Should I intervene when my BF has rage outburst against our childs?

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Hello

My BF has a 9-year old kid who leaves with us a week of 2. When his father (my BF) gets upset with him, he yells at him and I intervene because I don't want my BF to yell at his son's. that makes my BF more upset and he yells at me in front of his son (and my 8-year old one). it makes things worst and i am wondering if it's worth it.

How should I handle that? I tried to calm him down by speaking calmly but it doesn't work either.

thank you

[Isa_lala]

Hello

My BF has a 9-year old kid who leaves with us a week of 2. When his father (my BF) gets upset with him, he yells at him and I intervene because I don't want my BF to yell at his son's. that makes my BF more upset and he yells at me in front of his son (and my 8-year old one). it makes things worst and i am wondering if it's worth it.

How should I handle that? I tried to calm him down by speaking calmly but it doesn't work either.

thank you

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[sweetheart]

Hello isa_isla,

Yes absolutely, the priority is the child's wellbeing. ( and your child's)

If he is being raged at, shouted at and it is dysregulated inappropriate parenting, I would intervene, take the child to his room, check he's ok, let him watch TV and then go check back with your bf. Use the skills where appropriate to help him regulate his behaviour. If he cannot calm down or redirects it at you, would you be able to take the children to the park for a while?

I understand it's not your child, but you are the healthy adult and can advocate to safeguard the child.

My job as a parent is to ensure first and foremost that my child is not exposed to dysregulated behaviour, if my h had been unable to reduce the amount of dysregulated behaviour/conflict or started directing this at our son, I could not have stayed with him.

He does still dysregulate, but they are less intense and less frequent. Although I found a recent one v difficult. Our son has heard things I would have not wanted him to hear, but we have headphones for when his dad is having a bad day.

I usually see the warning signs and say to my son go play upstairs for a while.

The situation you are in is difficult, but as adults we cannot look on when a child is being raged at, or exposed to emotional abuse. Taking care of yourself and the children is IMO your priority.

How long have things been difficult for, what are your options ?

Forgot to say definitely worth posting on co-parenting board, I have a couple of times, very supportive, realistic advice re parenting issues 

[Isa_lala]

thank you

I hesitated to post on coparenting board, but I will.

last night, my BF lead me out of his son's bedroom and closed the door. I couldn't get in. Too late and too cold (minus 15 here, in Montreal, Canada) to go out with the child... .