I imagine for the same reason as many. He was controlling moody and extremely needy. He had a major psychotic depression last year and an attempted suicide. I stood by him and loved him through all this, despite the mental abuse, accusations (he heard voices telling him I was cheating). We had major arguments but I knew he was very ill so I took it. He has recovered enough to return to work and his paranoia has almost gone. The combination of anti depressants and anti psychotics has had the desired effect. What is left is the clinging neediness, complete refusal to allow me any personal space. We did not live together, and I told him I was not ready , given the hurt we have both experienced and the fact that I have not had any space in my new house since moving in. If we were living together I would lose even more contact with my friends and family than I already have. My friends saw red flags even before he was ill. He hates my best friend because she supported me all through the rough patches. My marriage ended just over a year before I met him, and I was honest from the start that I would never marry again. He is quite overly demanding sexually and is angry with me that there is one taboo that I refuse to let go - only one! And I know from my girlfriends that I am not alone in this. I felt violated, to the point when it feels like rape. I am not prudish or frigid but whilst he has three or four days of a week I usually only have one. I have other things to do sometimes. At 51 I do not necessarily want sex every day. He is so needy that 'not tonight' was taken as rejection and he would sulk. I can't live like that any more. I feel sad, guilty and torn. He texts and or calls every day but I then have to keep repeating that I don't want to go back. It's upsetting for us both. I don't have'someone else' as he accuses. I just want 'me' back. Sorry for the long rambling reply.
No reason to be sorry. It is tough to rationalize irrational behavior and there was a lot of it you were dealing with. I know I have had an exceptionally difficult time doing it myself. I think you set some good boundaries that were very healthy for not only you but the relationship, and probably good for him as well.
How do you feel now? How do you plan on finding a way back to yourself?
