How do I decide, and know that it is the right choice?

[FyreFli]

Hello!

I am new here.  I am hoping to gain some insight and get some advice from others living with a spouse with BPD.  I seem to change my mind every day about what I should do about staying or leaving. It just depends on how that day is going.  How do I decide, and know that it is the right choice?  

Just looking for a place to start, I guess.  

Thank you!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RisingFromAshes]

Hi and Welcome!

Most of us have been or still are in your shoes and know how it feels.

Unfortunately, no one can make that decision for you.

Only you know what you can and cannot tolerate, only you can see whether there is any chance and it's worth to save your relationship.

However, here you can get a lot of advice and support whichever direction you chose to go.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey FyreFli, Welcome!  As RisingfromAshes notes, we are not in a position to tell you what to do.  We can, however, help you to find the right path for you.  It does depend on the day, doesn't it?  A BPD r/s goes in cycles, as you have observed.  The place to start, I suggest, is with yourself, by treating yourself with care and compassion, and paying attention to your own needs.  What would you like to see happen?  What are your gut feelings?  Fill us in a little about your marriage, when you get a chance.

LuckyJim

[Margot Az]

Hello FyreFli, I had found it difficult to ask myself this question every day. It's a huge decision to tackle of course. However, there is two issues in that question.
1- we seem to change our mind every day
2- leaving?  
Changing our mind every day shows that we cannot envision anything in a clear way, right? To me, this is the main point before I would decide to leave or not. It's an important topic even for smaller purposes. Being here since two months helps me to understand how I became so confused. It helps me to be determinate again in my acts and to visualize things without depending of the continuous upheavals.  Participing to this platform first essentially allievates the weight of such a situation and the pain certainly. Then it does bring us in a right position for answering our own questions. Somehow, it never occured to me before I met my man that I would have to learn how to deal with tremendous emotions (good or bad) instead of reason.  
Margot az

[pearlsw]

Hi FyreFli,

Can you offer more details about your situation? It is not an easy decision. At times I have been willing to do all it takes to make it work, the last two months I am at my limit. What the future holds I can't say... .

What would make you want to stay? Or go?

warmly, pearl.