Lately, I've been getting angry and thinking bad things about my ex. Then a little voice in the back of my head says "but he is sick, it's not his fault". Then I feel guilty that I am calling him names in my head and getting angry about what he's done. I usually do take the approach of acceptance and forgiveness. I do feel compassion for him and still do have love for him. This is hard also because when I'm feeling compassion or sadness for his condition it seems like those are the times where I want to reach out or contemplate working things out with him. I have always had a hard time drawing the line between unconditional love and my own boundaries.
Anyway, I know that anger is a natural part of the healing process. I also know that it is okay to be angry about the situation and the things he has done. But when I get angry directly at him my conscience seems to step in and make me feel bad. It makes me want to cry because it feels good just to be angry and think about what a nasty person he is and it also helps me stay away and detach. But then my mind just turns around and makes me feel bad for doing it.
Any thoughts?
Being sick is not his fault. But he has hurt you deeply. And you know you have every right to be angry about how you have been treated and about letting yourself be treated badly. Can you make a difference at being angry at the behaviour instead of at him?
I am angry for what my ex did but I still can feel compassion for him for having to live in hell. Doesn't mean I want him back; I don't want to live in his hell. And I know he's not going to be better.
In my view the only unconditional love that exists is from a parent for a child. A parent (even more so for moms I think, as dads do more often walk away and never look back) will always love their child. Whether they steal, abuse, kill, their love remains and they stick with their child. Visit them in prison, hide them from the law, justify their behaviour, whatever.
Love between partners is never unconditional. There is always a line that when it's crossed makes the love go away. The line (the conditions) are just different for everybody. For some it's being raged at, for others it's being hit, for the next it's being cheated on. "Everybody has their price" or in this case, boundary.