Loving understanding and supporting your BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

 I'd like to share a bit if my story to encourage nonBPDs that there is hope to having fulfilling and amazing relationships with someone with BPD.

I will say it's not easy but if you truly love someone you will do whatever it takes to understand and love these special gifted individuals.

Empathy and validation have to be your best friends. If you feel that you can't possibly work on developing these traits . your screwed.

Our BPD friends need loads and loads of this. It takes alot to do especially when they may go off on you criticize you or even attack you.

But I will tell you if you apply empathy and validation head on it will keep things from escalating. Things usually escalate because they are not being heard. So they just get louder and more explosive until someone recognizes their pain.

You also have to learn how to regulate your own emotions. Having a relationship with God has helped me the most. A prayer life is vitally important if you are in a relationship with a BPD. Prayer works for real.

My relationship with my sweet BPD man was once so tumultuous scary and confusing. But I was determined to understand him and love him. Learning empathy and validation have worked wonders in our relationship.

When he has episodes of depression and anger being calm and listening have helped soothe his tortured soul so many times.

Validation and empathy doesn't mean you agree or condone negative actions. It just means you come along side them and validate their pain.

If you have had pain in your life imagine that pain 100 times more. That's what our Bpds are going through on a daily basis.

So do your research learn all you can about validation and empathy... oh and active listening. Never stop learning and practicing these skills. They will also help you be an all around compass ate and understanding person. You must understand that it's not the BPD in your life that must change. But you must learn to change. The results are a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship  with our beautifully brilliant and amazing BPD s. Peace!

[Bpdsupporter]

 I'd like to share a bit if my story to encourage nonBPDs that there is hope to having fulfilling and amazing relationships with someone with BPD.

I will say it's not easy but if you truly love someone you will do whatever it takes to understand and love these special gifted individuals.

Empathy and validation have to be your best friends. If you feel that you can't possibly work on developing these traits . your screwed.

Our BPD friends need loads and loads of this. It takes alot to do especially when they may go off on you criticize you or even attack you.

But I will tell you if you apply empathy and validation head on it will keep things from escalating. Things usually escalate because they are not being heard. So they just get louder and more explosive until someone recognizes their pain.

You also have to learn how to regulate your own emotions. Having a relationship with God has helped me the most. A prayer life is vitally important if you are in a relationship with a BPD. Prayer works for real.

My relationship with my sweet BPD man was once so tumultuous scary and confusing. But I was determined to understand him and love him. Learning empathy and validation have worked wonders in our relationship.

When he has episodes of depression and anger being calm and listening have helped soothe his tortured soul so many times.

Validation and empathy doesn't mean you agree or condone negative actions. It just means you come along side them and validate their pain.

If you have had pain in your life imagine that pain 100 times more. That's what our Bpds are going through on a daily basis.

So do your research learn all you can about validation and empathy... oh and active listening. Never stop learning and practicing these skills. They will also help you be an all around compass ate and understanding person. You must understand that it's not the BPD in your life that must change. But you must learn to change. The results are a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship  with our beautifully brilliant and amazing BPD s. Peace!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Akita]

That's very nice of you to share.  I hope many take your advice to heart and help their BPDs. I'm glad you found happiness 

[waitingwife]

Bpdsupporter,

I totally agree with every little word of what tou shared. I am finally starting to be in that place in my life after 13 years and it feels like I am walking through another door that was right besides me but I had not noticed it. I feel like my BPDH taught me self regulation and made me truly introspect within my soul and cue me into changing something in me to lead a truly meaningful life... .Until recently I was never jnto reading philosophy & finding my centre in my mind but I have started doing that and the faith helps me to keep going and unlocks my strength & courage.

Thanks for such a wonderful post and I really hope our ither fellow nons find some motivation to keep progressing in finding their inner strength & courage to lead a fuller life! Amen to that

[waverider]

It certainly teaches you to put many of the trivialities in life into proper perspective.

We learn to regularly question daily issues as to whether they are really that important to try to influence them, or just let it be as it is.

[Bpdsupporter]

I'm so glad this post was helpful! Sharing my experiences and encouraging others on this board is so healing for me. There are so many messages and articles out there about all the negative things about people with BPD. And not everyone may be up for the challenges that come with being in a relationship with them. But for those of us who want to make it work, there is hope! 

I highly recommend the book "loving someone with border personality disorder" by Shari Manning it's really wonderful and gives great tools on how to make this special relationship work.

She also has a few seminars on YouTube. She's really cool and has a big heart for people with BPD.

Education on this mental illness is crucial as well. Keep searching reading and seeking more info. The more you know the better you can empathize and understand how debilitating and awful and stressful this mental illness can be.