Hello there first post need advice

[cincybpdgf]

Hi there-

Came across this site looking for answers.  Recently (few weeks) I got out of a 4yr relationship with my ex gf.  Never been to therapy before.  I went for the first time yesterday because I felt like something was very wrong with me.  I described the past relationship (verbal abuse, fear of abandonment, always my fault, no responsibility/accountability, incessant rage/jealousy, mountain out of molehill, she would go from 0 to 60 in a second over everything, etc).  The therapist said your ex is most likely BPD and that it was textbook.  She said BPDs often do a tremendous amount of damage to their significant others.  After reading about this -BPD- for hours, every bit of information is spot on accurate.  I often encouraged her to get help, but she insisted I was the one who needed it and thats its my fault she reacts this way.  I feel like I just went through hell.  I have been emotionally and verbally abused for years and now that I am in the "real" world, it is very difficult to adjust.  I am questioning my judgement, confidence, and feel lost in general in response to the traumatic events over the past 4 years.  I'm disappointed I didn't walk when I saw the first out of hundreds of red flags looking back.  I feel like part of my soul has been ripped apart and I'm left to pick up the pieces.  I have never experienced anything like this before.  Im trying to understand it.  I would like to know if this is a normal/typical reaction to this type of experience?  Thank you in advance.  Any help is greatly appreciated. 

[once removed]

hi cincyBPDgf and

I would like to know if this is a normal/typical reaction to this type of experience?  

very much so. your therapist is right, these relationships take a serious toll on a person; theyre very volatile relationships. support groups like us exist for good reason . it was a good step to see a therapist, i think its an invaluable resource. i thought something was very wrong with me too. it goes a long way to be able to put a label on things, and know that there are explanations and answers for what weve been through, and to find people who have walked in our shoes.

your experience, and what you are now experiencing and going through, are certainly something members here can relate to, and i think youre in the right place. i can certainly relate to the rage and jealousy, and going from 0 to 60. the good news is that it does get better, but i dont think anyone emerges from a four year relationship with anyone unscathed, on top of abuse. adjusting isnt easy and wont happen over night.

have you had an opportunity to read through the lessons we have? theyre a great place to start. you can find them here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

Came across this site looking for answers.  

do you have any questions for us?

[HurtinNW]

Welcome  

I am so glad you found us! And YES how you are feeling is PERFECTLY NORMAL.

I also had a four year relationship that was incredibly hurtful, crazy-making and tore me apart. It is really hard to walk out of what we call the FOG. Just getting a sense of reality is tough. I've felt all the same... .the regrets, the guilt, the confusion, the pain, the trauma.

I also felt I was the problem for the first few years. It wasn't until I woke up (with the help of therapists) and realized I was dealing with someone who projected, blamed, terrified and kept me walking on eggshells. Being in relationship with someone with BPD is so crazy-making. It's been a journey, to say the least. For me it was when I saw how he treated my kids that the light really went on.

This is a great community here and you can get lots of help and support. The lessons are a great place to start reading, and please post any questions or thoughts!

 

[cincybpdgf]

Thank you both.  I appreciate it.  I will read through the lessons.  Have either of you been on www.shrink4men.com?  It was the website I found when searching "crazy" gf.  Tons of good info on BPD.  Man, I never knew this disorder existed even though I knew something was wrong.  I thought she was just crazy, but fortunately I didn't marry her nor have kids with her.  It just sucks bc I feel like I wasted 4y even though I knew it a year in.  I appreciate the support.  I know the only way to deal with this is to face it head on and stay as strong as I can.  I know its gonna be tough, but damn I never anticipated this ever nor have I ever felt this ripped apart post break up phase.  I am starting to understand how dangerous BPD is.  Anyway, I will stay on here as long as it takes.  Its comforting to know this is a "normal" reaction/feeling to something so traumatic.  All the best.

[once removed]

BPD is certainly a real and serious mental illness. i think many of us have a sort of movie image of mental illness, and most of us, at least before our experience knew little to nothing about personality disorders. youre in good company; folks here understand.

just a word of caution as you process, i strongly encourage you to immerse yourself in clinical information about BPD. there are a great deal of urban legends on the internet, many of which shrink4men tends to perpetrate. its pretty far off from conventional mental health.

Critical Review: Shrink 4 Men