Not new but returning intro

[saphirewidow]

Hi. I am not new to these message boards but it has been a really long time since I have been here.  My husband had BPD and these message boards were really helpful when I was dealing with all of his drama.  He committed suicide in 2011 and I have had a lot of peace without him but I will always be sad that he felt so terrible that he chose to end his life.  My new word is that I am smad at him (sad and mad).  Fast forward to about a year ago when my 15 y/o son began struggling.  He was a straight A student, fantastic guitar player... .got into the all state jazz band, funny and wonderful son.  He became severely depressed and suicidal, started self harming, and began struggling with relationships.  Even the slightest rejection meant he is not worth being alive.  He has had multiple suicide attempts, 7 acute admissions and two rtc admissions locally in the last year... .been in more than out of the hospital.  Came out feeling good last month and had his most serious suicide attempt yet after less than two weeks out. I have seen so many similarities between him and his dad.  He was a scapegoat along with me for his dad even though he was always a great kid.  Self work comes from external validation rather then having a core of inner self worth.  So here I am back on the boards again.  Wondering now how to help my boy overcome such a difficult early childhood.  Identifying with his Dad to the point that if Dad's best option was suicide than that is what his best option is as well.  Currently I am looking for an rtc that specializes in dbt or schema therapy to help him overcome this but they are all for girls... .grrrr.  He is 16 now... .,his identity is still being molded and I am hoping that getting the right help now may help him for his future.   If not I am going to lose him to suicide and the thought breaks my heart.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Saphirewidow:

I am so, so sorry you are having to walk the path again!  Life has given you more than your share of grief.  If only words could make things all better!  With that said, you are being heard... .and you are being validated.  Keep posting!  Keep venting!

[Lollypop]

Hi sapphirewido

To lose a parent for any child is extremely difficult. To lose one to suicide is unbelievably difficult. Throw BPD into the mix - goodness, it can't get much worse.

You must be feeling very vulnerable right now. I'm not experienced to offer advice but can tell you I had three very close deaths in four years; one suicide and can relate somewhat to your story, I suspect my brother was bipolar but could have been BPD.

What sort of support is your son getting in school, if he's attending. Are you getting any support?

Do you have other children? And how are they coping?

Are you in the USA and is your son diagnosed in treatment?

[saphirewidow]

I am in the USA. My son is currently in a local acute adolescent unit. He feels really hopeless and like nothing will ever help him. I have to figure out what rtc to send him too pretty soon.   I have to other living kiddos at home. One graduates from highschool this month and one is in junior high.  They are both doing fairly well but are sad and worried about their brother right now.  My oldest boy died in a drowning accident in 2007 so we have had our share of loss. I do not want to lose another one to something so pointless as suicide when he is such an amazing young man and just can't see it.  He knows it in his head but doesn't feel it in his heart.

[Lollypop]

Hi SW

Life isn't fair is it. I'm so very sorry you and your family are having to deal with all of this.

I have a 15 year old non BPD son and can understand your fears as its such a confusing time of life.  Your son must be very scared and I'm very pleased to hear he is in a place where he's safe and there's a plan for him. 

Your other kids are obviously worried but at an age where they can really make a positive difference. Hopefully once things are in place and your youngest is more stable you'll find life easier.

Take care of yourself. I don't mean this lightly 

[Bright Day Mom]

I am so sorry for the tragedy that has hit your family.

My teen BPDd's friend completed suicide last year and it is a trauma that as you know needs professionals to help process.  Unfortunately my d wasn't so willing to talk about it until now a year later after several hospitalizations and now RTC.

Thank goodness your son wasn't successful in his attempt. Hopefully the hospital can stabilize him w/meds/therapy, etc and keep him safe during this time of finding an RTC.

Try to keep reinforcing to him that he is worthy of the help, can feel better,you are not going to give up and will get thru this as a family.