Final Discard two weeks ago

[burton2070]

I posted here a couple of months ago about my partner and how the devaluing was really getting to me. We started couples therapy and she started individual therapy and maybe that was all too much, because the final discard happened two Friday's ago.

She gave me no closure. Our kids know each other - my parents know and love her and considered her and the kids family. They are as heartbroken by the way this went down as I am.

I am really struggling with the trauma of this. She just ended things and that was that. And - I know this is ultimately my fault - but I don't really have any friends to help get me through this. I isolated them over the past two years because she didn't like them or they made her uncomfortable. I was so caught up in trying to make her happy because I thought I was so happy... .

This is a tough one. I know that time will heal and I'll be ok, but WOW this hurts. I feel used, thrown away, humiliated. And I also feel stupid because I absolutely knew this was coming one day. The writing was on the wall, but I just hoped that maybe something could be different about us.

Anyway, sending healing thoughts to any others going through this. Nobody should be treated this way.

[HurtinNW]

Hello Burton and welcome to the family! 

You are in good company here. It really hurts, doesn't it? There rarely is any closure in these breaks. I think most people here were dumped in abrupt, cold, cruel or ghosting ways. The pain can be downright catastrophic, and being discarded without any human kindness just makes it all the harder.

Do you want to share more of your story? Sometimes it can help to talk about how it happened. How long were you together? Can you reach out to any old friends or support systems at this time?

[burton2070]

Thank you. We were together almost two years. Our children had grown quite close and she discarded my son as well, as she is not allowing any contact or closure and he doesn't understand this.

I reached out to my parents today, and they totally shocked me by saying they really liked her and, even with the whole story of what happened, they didn't want to "take sides" and want to try to keep her in their life. Good luck with that. I want to keep her in my life too and she was brutal in her cutoff.

I have reached out to some old friends and am looking forward to spending time with and getting support from them. I'm going to a poetry slam event at a coffee shop tomorrow and have a group hike set up for the weekend. Anything to get me moving and out of bed/away from alcohol. I haven't abused alcohol yet, but I've thought about finding SOMETHING to help with this pain. Thankfully, I've had a LOT of therapy in my life, so I'm relying on those tools and I know things will get better.

[Sadly]

Hi Burton

Would it help if your parents came here and read about BPD life during and after? I just think maybe it would help as your child/their grandchild has been discarded too and will also need their support. Not quite sure how they will be able to continue to play happy families with her and her children whilst she doesn't want to know him? Good luck anyway. X

Ps. Am sure when you explain all to your friends, if they are real friends they will be there for you, enjoy having them in your life again. X

[Lucky Jim]

Hey burton, I'm afraid that your tale is quite familiar to many of us here.  You are definitely not alone.  I know it doesn't feel like it now, but I predict a day will come when you will be grateful to have moved on.  A r/s with a pwBPD is generally not built to last, in my view.  The stress and strain is too great and eventually the r/s crumbles, sooner or later.  Those few couples who are able to make it work over the long haul are rare, in my view.  Life is short; give yourself some time to heal and then get back on a different horse this time!

LuckyJim

[myself]

I've thought about finding SOMETHING to help with this pain.

You're already choosing to be on a good path. Reaching out/posting here, using therapy tools, making plans with friends, being physically active... .Keep looking within. Believe in yourself. Focus on the positives.