Thought I was doing well...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I thought I was doing well with the insights I have recently gained. But, I keep slipping. My exBPD went from love to discard seemingly overnight but, looking back on it, it was a pretty systematic process. I had almost zero chance of surmounting the disorder and formulaic methodology of her painting me black. I did receive a few words of consolation via text as she was (secretly) leaving me for a new man; a new savior for her to obsess and idealize all over. What hurts most, is her lifestyle. She is cripplingly insecure (I know this but few else do) very attractive, and has a huge online presence as a fitness, lifestyle, nutritionist, yogi, spiritual guru, etc... .

she has many, many followers and supports and I only have a core of genuine and beautiful friends to get me through. It seems like the mask she presents gains more and more fans and followers as she takes bikini photos of herself and quotes the Dalai Lama, no one knows what is boiling under her surface. I wish her no harm. I am angry but, I am not the type to blow up someone on social media or even in conversation. It is hard to stay healthy since she defined diet and exercise to me while we were together. I must admit my ego feels like I'm less than her every time I pull out the yoga mat or cook a vegan meal since she opened me up to these things. I'm trying to be strong but, its really hard.

She has not reached out in anyway (I'm both relieved and hurt by this) and I remember how deeply she revels in the honeymoon state, which I am sure she i doing with this new fellow.

I just need some support for today any advice or reminders would be more than welcome.

Thank you family,

L

[labowski]

I thought I was doing well with the insights I have recently gained. But, I keep slipping. My exBPD went from love to discard seemingly overnight but, looking back on it, it was a pretty systematic process. I had almost zero chance of surmounting the disorder and formulaic methodology of her painting me black. I did receive a few words of consolation via text as she was (secretly) leaving me for a new man; a new savior for her to obsess and idealize all over. What hurts most, is her lifestyle. She is cripplingly insecure (I know this but few else do) very attractive, and has a huge online presence as a fitness, lifestyle, nutritionist, yogi, spiritual guru, etc... .

she has many, many followers and supports and I only have a core of genuine and beautiful friends to get me through. It seems like the mask she presents gains more and more fans and followers as she takes bikini photos of herself and quotes the Dalai Lama, no one knows what is boiling under her surface. I wish her no harm. I am angry but, I am not the type to blow up someone on social media or even in conversation. It is hard to stay healthy since she defined diet and exercise to me while we were together. I must admit my ego feels like I'm less than her every time I pull out the yoga mat or cook a vegan meal since she opened me up to these things. I'm trying to be strong but, its really hard.

She has not reached out in anyway (I'm both relieved and hurt by this) and I remember how deeply she revels in the honeymoon state, which I am sure she i doing with this new fellow.

I just need some support for today any advice or reminders would be more than welcome.

Thank you family,

L

[Leonis]

All is not what it seems.

Stay strong, always remember that the next fellow's fate will be similar to yours. Do something you like to distract yourself, even if it's borderline binging on the said activity. Start or finish some small projects you've left for too long.

If it's not becoming a better person, look to become the person you were before your ex.

[bAlex]

My ex also found a new guy, I know they're enjoying the idealisation phase right now...

It sucks, but dwelling on those thoughts doesn't help. I remind myself that it's only temporary, that she's only a person, and that he has yet to learn what I have the hard way. It helps to only focus on her bad qualities and how she's probably already driving this guy nuts by flirting with other guys and his friends.

There's usually a pattern, and this will be no different from every other guy before you. That relationship is doomed from the start.

Stay strong.

[JerryRG]

My exgf had her new bf spend 48 hours in jail for him abusing her, if she lied about him or she pushed him until he snapped I won't know but the point is that could be me sitting in jail. My ex will never change because she doesn't think she has a problem or even aware of it or deliberately chooses not to get help.

Focus on you and care for yourself and learn why you stayed in a relationship with a pwBPD. Hang in there and things do get better.

[Meili]

I know that it's hard, but try not to think about what she's doing. You have no control over that; only over what you do. Focusing on her is taking time away from focusing on you. Didn't you spend enough time during the r/s focusing on her rather than yourself?

[labowski]

Thank you all for the feedback. Its hard to focus when things start to snow ball. its like a perfect storm of anxiety.