Met with my t today

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Things went exceptionally well, talk about my son for most of the visit because he was with me. Did discuss his mother some, t reiterated the fact mom won't get well unless she's willing to invest a lot of hard work and energy into recovery. I told my t that I got my 2 year medalion last weekend and how much I've worked on myself the last 3 years in particular.

I do feel a certain sadness that my exgf was expressing her desire to seek help last weekend and I know she never followed up on her plans. I'm sure she believes the task a daunting one at the least. She could see my life changing for the better and I thought this evidence would have been motivating enough for her to join me in becoming well together.

My t said my exgf hadn't experienced enough misery as yet and with prayer and hope she may soon reach out and save herself. Her new bf won't be able to save any more than I could.

It's funny how each person who comes into the life of a person with BPD believes they have the key, the right words, enough love to concour their illness and make the BPD well only to fail miserably.

No shortage of white knights or fair maidens in the fantasy world of borderline personality disorder.

Dream on sweet princess until the day grows dim and night falls around you, remember it was I who offered the way to freedom and wellness in sobriety and sanity of AA and Alanon. If but for a fleeting flash of insight you asked me just a few days past if it would help you and my answer was, after 10,000 times yes and you failed to choose, it is now none of my business.

Fare thee well.

[AwakenedOne]

No shortage of white knights or fair maidens in the fantasy world of borderline personality disorder.

I would imagine that most if not all women that call their bf a "white knight" are disordered. Probably the biggest red flag. If I get called that mess ever again I'm just going to say "knock it off!"

Congrats on your 2 year medalion.

[Turkish]

... .it is now none of my business.

Kind of a sobering thought isn't it? It sounds like you made a positive step in the direction towards detachment. 

[Mutt]

Congrats on your 2 year JerryG  

She could see my life changing for the better and I thought this evidence would have been motivating enough for her to join me in becoming well together.

When we start to get better it can trigger shame with our ex partners because it can confirm to them that they're weren't good for us.

[JerryRG]

Thanks everyone

Yes I suspect that she knew she had shame, I imagine from her perspective her issues are extremely intrenched and difficult to overcome. I remember one incidence where she was beginning work on her narcotic addiction and I went home and she had torn her NA book to pieces. She's just not ready to get well at the moment, content in her misery.

I believe reality is something she detours from in her disorder.

Thanks for your help and support

[seenr]

I saw this with my ex too Jerry.

She told me that while with her previous partner that she thought she was an alcoholic. She told me that his answer to everything was to buy alcohol. Then she told me that he went with her to an AA meeting and she decided it was not for her. With me, she told me that while we were apart, she would limit alcohol intake to two glasses per week but as soon as we were together this bloated up to 2 bottles per week, sometimes 3.

It was difficult to know what to believe, but the only conclusion I can reach is that her mind was in some way tortured and both he & I were seen as the bad guy no matter what. Strangely, as soon as she met me, once I became the bad guy 7-8 months in, he suddenly became ok and was a nice person again.

It can't always be someone else's fault.

Yes I suspect that she knew she had shame, I imagine from her perspective her issues are extremely intrenched and difficult to overcome. I remember one incidence where she was beginning work on her narcotic addiction and I went home and she had torn her NA book to pieces. She's just not ready to get well at the moment, content in her misery. I believe reality is something she detours from in her disorder.

[JerryRG]

Yes blaming others for our issues has one sure and deadly effect, we are eternal vicums and with this mentally we give up all our power and choices. No one can change until they dismiss the blame of others as the determining factor for our choices.

My exgf is the innocent victum of all her previous relationships including her own family. I suspect our son is to blame somewhere along the line simply for existing.