Hope Died Last Night

[atomic popsicles]

Many of you have read my posts about my stbx. He is very seriously mentally ill along with his BPD. Last night we had a series of texts and he left a message. He will never be better, and he is so delusional that he really has begun to hate me for imaginary betrayals that include everyone I know (my ex husband and his entire family).

I have been on the detaching board but I need to start moving forward toward healing me instead of looking back at the good times in oceans of grief. It will be hard... .seemed much easier at 1:00am than it does now... .but I have to. So, here I am.

[zonnebloem]

 

Good luck! Your're doing well to keep posting, some of us give good advise!
Stay strong!

[Herodias]

So sorry... .feelings come and go over time. You will get stronger when you realize this is not what YOU want and it is not about what he says or does. Focus on you for once. It is hard to do because it is much easier to fix someone other than ourselves. But that is the answer... . 

[eeks]

Welcome to the PI board, atomic popsicles.

It is a difficult but courageous step to let go of the hope that the relationship could be better, realize that the current reality of the relationship is unacceptable to you, and grieve the loss.  

I had a brief r/s with a uBPD man, and once I started healing from the pain, I developed more compassion for him, I found it tragic, he will not get better without skilled therapy over a long period of time, and he was not willing to do that.

You say "moving forward towards healing me", what does that mean to you?  What feels like the next step for you right now in your healing?  

Many members find that part of their healing includes taking a look at their own emotional landscape, behavioural patterns like co-dependency, and examining residual issues/traumas from their family of origin (FOO) that the relationship with a pwBPD, while extremely painful, may have provoked into awareness.  Do you think this may apply to you?

eeks