Heartbreaking reality...

[Sanibelsweetie]

I have been in a 6 month relationship and have just observed the hallmarks of BPD with my partner for the first time. Luckily, I am very well read in psych issues and recognized what was happening. The main trigger for him is abandonment issues.

This person has the resources to get help and I have set down firm boundaries that he must get aggressive intervention and an inpatient evaluation. Nothing less. He told me that he had been an inpatient before he met me. He is on several medications and recently had his Family Doctor switch his meds. A dangerous game and I told him so after his meltdown. He does not see a Psychiatrist at this time and I have begged him to do so.

At this point in time, I am afraid of him and will not allow him to contact me via phone, text, etc. I am lucky that I still have my own home and travel frequently.

I told him that I will not engage in any interaction, verbal or otherwise until he gets the help that he requires. Of course, I wrote to him during the initial meltdown and said that I would support him in his treatment.

I am absolutely stunned, saddened and grief stricken but have no desire to get back with him unless he gets intervention.

Terminating the relationship will be easier than staying with him. I refuse to be a caretaker because I know that I cannot fix this.

Just so very sad to see him suffer.

[lostnlonelydee]

Sounds like you're doing everything right, what I wouldn't give to have known what you know at six months into my past relationship. Would have saved us both a lot of pain. Be proud of yourself for making the decision and going through with it.

[bus boy]

Welcome to BPD family. It is very sad indeed but it sounds like you have a good knowledge of the sickness. You can only do so much to help, you do your best, that's all you can do, than you have to do what's best for you.

[Mutt]

Hi Sanibelsweetie,



I'd like to join lostlonelydee and bus boy and welcome you. I'd like to echo lostlonlydee and bus boy, it sounds like you sound OK and have good knowledge of BPD psychopathology. Your ex partner meant something to you, it takes time to process grief and loss, it's especially difficult when our exes suffer from a BPD.  

You'll find many members here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. It helps to talk. Please give us an update on how you are doing. Hang in there.  

[JQ]

Hello Sanibelsweetie, "SS"

I want to welcome you to the "group" and happy that you're here sharing your thoughts, experience and of yourself. Many here can & will benefit from your knowledge & experience. I am sorry that you're here because of your BPD r/s, but your background in psych issues has served you well in recognizing the behavioral mental illness early in the r/s & already knowing the things you need to do for yourself, ie. boundaries & maintaining your distance from him & certainly NC.

As you have said, Terminating the r/s is easier than staying with him knowing that you cannot fix this severe Cluster B Mental Illness. I know it hurts, your shocked & you might have question yourself why or how you could of been involved so long in a r/s before seeing the BPD giving your well read in such issues. You mentioned that you were a caretake so does that mean you realize that you're a codependent aka a NON?

What are you doing for yourself to get to a better place? What are you doing to make yourself safer? Do you need to fear your pwBPD for any reason? I know how tough it is to see a person you see suffer from such as terrible horrible mental illness ... .besides 2 exBPDgf's, my step mother/sister & 1/2 brother have BPD. As a NON myself, I was always being the care giver, the "stable" one that they depended on to fix things, to keep my head about me when all others were loosing theirs and get whatever needed done ... .done. As a therapist once told me who conducted group therapy for 1/2 dozen people with BPD, "they are severely broken people that will never be fixed".

The group here are pretty good people. We can't and won't tell you what path you should walk down but we will be behind you when you stumble on your journey and we all stumble. When you do, look behind you, the group will be there holding out a hand to pull you back up. We'll dust you off, but then it'll be up to you to continue down the path you're currently on, choose a different path to see where that will lead you or sit back down where your at and do nothing.

 I have a feeling you're going to do quite well here ... .I hope the group can be as much assistance to you as you are to them.

Welcome 

J