His sister contacted me.

[Dontknow88]

(Really short recap, was in a great relationship that endeded overnight, he broke up with me when I was 8months pregnant. He moved on really fast, you know all that BPD stuff)

Well I've been doing good it's need about 10 months since the breakup and came out the sad fog about 4 months ago. His sister randomly contacted me today to let me know that she hates him and has no respect for him and hates what he did to me and espically his son. She doesn't talk to him due to that. She begged me not to cut my son and I out of her life (not that I planned to & I do not talk to his father/my ex anymore). She said he's burning bridges in the family, and making "letting loose" look bad.

She went on to saying she still has hope.



We are on different stages of healing

I'm at this place where I don't give a beep anymore and focusing on enjoying life and trying my best not to stress the child custody issue. (He's personal life is unstable and him and his literally new Gf wants to take my son and get full custody) ugh


I didn't reply to his sister I don't know what to say, she's really hurting . What should I do?  

[Dutched]

First of all keep focussing on your son and concentrate on the legal matter of custody!
  (keep records of mail, text, etc. and write down all events with dates and time!)

Must say that I am being very suspicious after reading your story
It seems odd that his sister suddenly contacts you and tells you all bad things about her brother.
Is she, as independent  3rd party… , trying to win your trust in order to help her brother and his custody case?


I suggest, don’t take the bait to tell her your thoughts,  don’t bad mouth her brother in any way!

With that in my mind, I suggest just a friendly response.
Like:  I am sorry to hear, must be hard for you and the family. Stay positive, you all together will sort it out.
When you receive a response?
Same kind of answer: sorry to hear, keep focussing on yourself.
Or related to her brother again:  sorry to hear, maybe he has a difficult time, people sometimes do.

Keep your distance, please.

[Dontknow88]

First of all keep focussing on your son and concentrate on the legal matter of custody!
  (keep records of mail, text, etc. and write down all events with dates and time!)

Must say that I am being very suspicious after reading your story
It seems odd that his sister suddenly contacts you and tells you all bad things about her brother.
Is she, as independent  3rd party… , trying to win your trust in order to help her brother and his custody case?


I suggest, don’t take the bait to tell her your thoughts,  don’t bad mouth her brother in any way!

With that in my mind, I suggest just a friendly response.
Like:  I am sorry to hear, must be hard for you and the family. Stay positive, you all together will sort it out.
When you receive a response?
Same kind of answer: sorry to hear, keep focussing on yourself.
Or related to her brother again:  sorry to hear, maybe he has a difficult time, people sometimes do.

Keep your distance, please.

Yeah it all seems weird. I don't plan to go into detail. But she was always in contact with me and I guess she now realized it's really over. She never talked to her brother since the begging of the year, she just had her anaversary party and never invited him.

But yes u do find it weird cause she did add his new GF on Facebook . Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she picked up some traits from her brother.
 

Ugh I can't wait till this is a thing of the past

[Dutched]

But she was always in contact with me and I guess she now realized it's really over.
But yes u do find it weird cause she did add his new GF on Facebook

Combined 2 sentences.  There you go.

She never talked to her brother since the begging of the year, she just had her anaversary party and never invited him.

Besides what his sister is now telling you, can you look behind those closed doors of that family?

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she picked up some traits from her brother.

So you know how unpredictable both that brother and sister are?

Maybe, maybe later when the dust about your custody is settled, than you can try to normalize (in a way) contact, still however only without saying anything negative her brother.

You are doing great!   

[Dontknow88]

But she was always in contact with me and I guess she now realized it's really over.
But yes u do find it weird cause she did add his new GF on Facebook

Combined 2 sentences.  There you go.

She never talked to her brother since the begging of the year, she just had her anaversary party and never invited him.

Besides what his sister is now telling you, can you look behind those closed doors of that family?

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she picked up some traits from her brother.

So you know how unpredictable both that brother and sister are?

Maybe, maybe later when the dust about your custody is settled, than you can try to normalize (in a way) contact, still however only without saying anything negative her brother.

You are doing great!   

Thank you I really needed someone else to go over this with me. apparently most of his family's mad at him but family will always take family side at the end.


I agree after the custody battle she still wants to know what's going on.  And yes à la only her do the bad mouthing. thank you so much for hearing me out

[Mutt]

Hi Dontknow88,

Do you plan on giving her a reply?

[Dontknow88]

Hi Dontknow88,

Do you plan on giving her a reply?

Hello!

yes I did what I basically said was "i'm sorry that you are hurting I was and on some days I still deal with it,  please don't over stress Theresa please take care of yourself. your brother is going through a difficult time that he doesn't even realize and he Needs his family whether he admits it or not. maybe one day you guys can talk about it but I'm telling then please please please take care of yourself & you can always visit your nephew!"

[Mutt]

Nice reply  

[Dontknow88]

Nice reply  

Thank you ! feels good because it's all truthful and I know I avoided drama!

[Dutched]

Well done!