I was in the dark and hopeless but now I can see flashes of light

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I was dying in a relationship with a borderline but I could not see, I was in the dark, I was losing myself , I was losing everything, I was losing everyone and I was becoming crazy ... .suddenly, after a terrible fight, I made a phone call to a friend who suggested me to make an appointment urgently with a friend psychiatrist... .this was the best suggestion I ever received and the best thing that I ever did, this was my salvation, suddenly light was made and I found hope to retrieve me... .for a new and best life.

[becominghealthy]

I was dying in a relationship with a borderline but I could not see, I was in the dark, I was losing myself , I was losing everything, I was losing everyone and I was becoming crazy ... .suddenly, after a terrible fight, I made a phone call to a friend who suggested me to make an appointment urgently with a friend psychiatrist... .this was the best suggestion I ever received and the best thing that I ever did, this was my salvation, suddenly light was made and I found hope to retrieve me... .for a new and best life.

[Mutt]

Hi becominghealthy,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, it sounds like you have a very supportive friend, I'm happy to hear that you're getting help from a P ( psychiatrist ) I can relate with your post, I started to feel like I was losing my mind, it's a very scary feeling and I'm also happy to hear that you didn't lose hope. You'll find many members here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support, it helps to seek professional help concurrently with a support group.

How long were you together? Do you have kids together? Were you married? What happened at the break-up?

PS Great choice for a username 

[joeramabeme]

becominghealthy

I would like to join Mutt in welcoming you to BPD Family! So glad you found us here and many of us can relate to the confusion that you have expressed.  It certainly is a light to finally get some understanding into what was happening in the relationship and have some insight into the "is it me or them" type questions many of us ask.

Are you still seeing your ex or still together?

JRB

[heartandwhole]

Hi becominghealthy,

Welcome! 

I'm glad you decided to post. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I felt like I was losing myself in the relationship with pwBPD, too. I think I kind of wanted to, because I wasn't feeling very balanced in my life prior to the relationship. I'm sorry that things went badly for you. I know how painful that is.

Therapy really helped me recover as well. Are you still seeing yours?

Tell us more of your story when you can. It helps to get it out, and it helps all of us learn from each other.

heartandwhole

[becominghealthy]

  for all and thanks for the answers, I will tell you a little more about my case... .

heartandwhole,

I am  in my second month of seeing a psychiatrist and he did not indicated to me sessions of therapy (in fact I am doing it a little bit of therapy with him... .) , my process of break-up is very recently and I need to focus on the rule of "no contact" , and it is what I'm doing with all my strength , and I am taking meds to support (for instance).  besides , there is a lot of details who surround this break up process and i can not describe them all... .may be a little bit, in a daily or weekly basis... .

Joeramabeme,

I am pursuing the "no contact" rule, so, I am running out of her far way as I can... .this cost me a lot, but I think I am doing all right, thanks including to my family support (specially my youngest daughter and my mother).

Mutt,

We've been together for nearly eight years, I fell in love and after a year the madness started and I did not know anything until two months ago (I did not know and I did not understand nothing, I thought it was all my fault)... .we did not have children together... .we are not married but we had what we called a "stable union" and we have a lawer to resolve this matter (a lot of important details)... .

About what happened to breakup, as I said, after a big discussion I run away (after she broke a cellphone by hitting me), it was awful situation and I decided that it was to change someway because I could not live this way anymore... .

[Mutt]

Hi becominghealthy,

I read the paragraph directed at me and didn't read anything before that. I shared similar feelings soon after my break-up, didn't know that I was dealing with mental illness and I'll repeat what my BIL told me "Mutt don't beat yourself up, you're not a doctor" He was right, we're not professionals and we're not trained to detect personality disorders or thought how to cope / deal with a person with a severe mental illness. A professional nay deal with a pwBPD for a few hours a week tops, we were dealing with it 24/7/365 without professional training. It's completely understandable to feel frustrated after several years and fed up with dealing with the dysfunctional behaviors.

[kc sunshine]

Welcome becominghealthy!

My therapist was crucial for me as well. Towards the end of my relationship, she said that at some point I was going to have choose between my ex and myself. I figured since I was the only one on earth that could "choose me," I had to do it (not only for me, but also for my kids and family and friends).