long distance relationship

[amiss84]

I have never been diagnosed with BPD but I could possibly have it. I am an emotional wreck lately and have been very depressed. I live in Chicago and my fiance of 2 1/2 years lives in the UK. We have started the visa journey for him to move here and he is planning to visit in December (has a ticket). We have always been madly in love and he used to always give me so much attention. At the time its stupid because I was STILL suspicious and untrusting. A lot of things changed last November when he admitted to me that he found another woman. It was a devastating time for me. I am still dealing with it and constantly thinking about it. Recently things have been a lot different. He has been busier and doesn't message me as much. I also tend to stalk him on facebook and it could drive a person insane. He has been on a lot lately so I immediately jump to thinking, he has another woman.

This is all crazy thinking and its driving me insane. I love him so much and I do know that he cares about me but I constantly demand reassurance and it can be tiring. Yesterday I felt  good about our relationship because he reassured me and said things are going to work out. Now today I feel sad and depressed because he has been busy.

How have people dealt with this kind of relationship without going crazy? Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of going to a mental hospital. My fiance is not all that supportive anymore because he even tells me I'm crazy at times and unstable. Which he is right. I know that if I work on my confidence things will improve, but that takes time. I want to feel better about things now. I have started working out and lost weight and working on quitting smoking... but I am such a nervous wreck that I dont now if that will ever happen. I was  at a much happier place when we first met. So this is really depressing that I can't just pick myself up and feel better.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi amiss84,

I'm glad you found the site, and sorry for the pain that brings you here. Having someone admit they are with another lover is excruciatingly painful

Do you suspect that both of you have BPD? Or you alone?

What you are describing sounds like abandonment depression. You don't have to be BPD to feel that way, although many people with BPD feel terrible fear of abandonment that can be all-consuming.

I admire you for taking care of yourself, losing weight and not smoking  Those are hard things to do.

LnL