C-PTSD: My father the raging alcoholic...

[JerryRG]

Listening to video at work this morning, topic is CPTSD and how being in a relationship with Cluster Bs fits together.

It makes sense to me, why I would deliberately pursue a relationship with a Cluster B, why I would stay in the relationship and how to break free.

My father the raging alcoholic, my mother the depressed martyr, (who knows what else) maybe Cluster B herself, with her own drug addiction to valium. And years of adapting to a very unstable, dysfunctional life style and belief system.

Moving on to a relationship with a known drug addict, married her, 3 children, divorce and on to the next relationship with, again, an active drug addict.

No pattern here?

Wondering if anyone else here can relate to CPTSD and your experience and comments/input.

Thanks everyone.

[steelwork]

Yep, can relate. I didn't understand this about myself for so many years, because I basically grew up in a family cult, so I didn't understand that I'd been neglected to the point of abuse. But I did notice that I was drawn over and over to incredibly, let's say, complicated people There was a sense that "complicated" (i.e. variously disordered) people were my forte. You can begin to unpack from there, which is what I've been doing in therapy for the last few years.

The scary thing is recalibrating, and trusting that you have some value in relationships that aren't with disordered people, and that the world will not end if you stop putting out other people's fires.

[Skyglass]

Hi JerryRG,
I know this is a somewhat older post now but still wanted to respond. I too came from a family with an alcoholic parent and the other parent was co-dependent. I was exposed to quite a few unrelated traumatic experiences in my life. Finally after this last r/s with my ex pwBPD I was diagnosed with CPTSD. I look back and see some other relationships I was in when younger which were not BPD, but definitely were fraught with the rollercoaster highs and lows but to a lesser degree. The ex pwBPD was also a substance abuser. (Side note: My ex told me he would "light up" b/c I was always late to our dates or arriving at his place on time and my tardiness was inexcusable. What an a-hole)
I definitely can see how my life of growing up with the alcoholic family roller coaster ride was almost seen as normal to me when I was on the roller coaster ride in a r/s. Sometimes I feel like I had an almost "been there, done that" attitude toward those relationships so as to make light of how I was being mistreated... .like I've been through this and it's nothing new. I may have even thought that's why I could remain in long term r/s with all the chaos... .b/c I was strong, b/c I had survived so many traumatic events and dysfunctional family dynamics. I see now that yes, I was and still am strong, but no one should allow it to justify emotional abuse from another person. And now here I am.
I could go on and on with how I think the past contributed to staying in a r/s with someone w/BPD. I'm just glad now Im finally realizing it all and am working on my own recovery now.

[Harri]

Hi Jerry.  I have been diagnosed with c-PTSD.  I am the adult daughter of a uBPD mother and ineffectual, weak, and possibly PD 'non' father.

You should check out the Adult children board here.  There are lots of us with the diagnosis of c-ptsd and other issues that are related to growing up in very disordered families.  Even without your own childhood history, I would recommend routine reading there just to get a better understanding of the challenges and needs your son has and will have over the years.

Take care and be well.

[Sunfl0wer]

Yup, also got cPTSD... .
Was told it was cPTSD with "dissociative features"
Which recently i am figuring out it is DDNOS.
Mom was uBPD, as was sis, dad was a happy drunk as far as I recall.

Like Harri says, the adult children board is quite helpful.

I have gotten help here too, usually pondering a specific issue or trying to cope with specific thing.

Feel free to share more about what is on your mind regarding self growth or such, what you are working on, or learning about yourself and such.

Sometimes I find patterns in work dynamics or friends or such and have got help trying to work through an issue that way.  (Since I still want to build skills even tho my ex is no longer in my life)

It makes sense to me, why I would deliberately pursue a relationship with a Cluster B, why I would stay in the relationship and how to break free.

Yup, it is helpful to move from focusing on the other people in the dynamic to focusing on ourselves and what we do to function in these roles... .  To find new ways of being.