Hello I need Help

[jdoyle]

I'm sorry to be so desperate but I seem to never sign up when I'm feeling OK, so I finally signed up now, but it's after I feel horrible (again)

I am going to the doctor tomorrow and I'm going to tell him that I need therapy to deal with my wife's mental issues.

But please I would like to maintain a discussion on here about my wife so that i can get some insight or perspective or maybe someone can even explain why she acts the way she does and why she is so unstable.

I don't know what's wrong with her but she is incredibly emotionally messed up. I don't even know how to describe it. Really she will just rain down intense misery or start a fight out of nowhere. She seems like two different people. She is clearly sick, especially since you can tell by her face and skin tone when she is very sick. She looks different and her skin turn a pale white. After many years of this, I am a very worn out person. I feel like any move I make will start an intense reaction or she will start a fight. We have a beautiful 3 year old boy who is very happy and intelligent, and I don't want to ruin his life. Please ask any questions but i do need help.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mike82]

It's hard to diagnose, but from what I've researched the difference between BPD and Bi-Polar is really in the frequency of the mood changes.  Are they by the hour OR do the moods last weeks?  The latter is more consistent with bi-polar.

Also, my wife has BPD and with her recent therapy we've noticed physiological changes as well.  Her eyes are suddenly very brown, when we thought they were black.  The reality, when her anxiety is high, her eyes dilate so the brown color is hidden by her pupils. This is now something I watch for, when the eyes are dilated I know we need to practice some mindfulness or calming techniques.  Of course, if she's too far "gone" I know that a neurotic break down is about to occur which sounds like what you've been experiencing.  Which is a sign of BPD... .

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Mike82: 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  Has your wife had a medical evaluation?  Perhaps she should see her physician.  That could be a starting point, to rule out a physical cause, then move on to a mental evaluation. Is she resistant to getting help?

Does she have a history of any mental illness/disorder (or does anyone in her family)?  Is it possible that you can get individual counseling for yourself, and then some joint counseling with both of you?

[Mutt]

Hi jdoyle, 



I'd like to join   Mike82 and   Naughty Nibbler and welcome you. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad that you decided to join us, many of us here have been in your shoes. That feeling where you're on high alert with your movements and what type of emotional reaction that is going to cause, we call that feeling "walking on eggshells " I remember I used to dread when it was quitting time at work and I had to go home because I didn't know if my wife would be nice or if she'd pick a fight with me for something I had no idea with what she was talking about. It felt like I was walking into a landmine when I stepped though the front door.

You're in a place where it's safe fir you to share your thoughts and feelings without being invalidated. You're not alone. There is hope.