Everyone is attacking him...

[lakebound]

I am trying to help my husband deal with his feelings of being diminished or disrespected by his family - ( mother, sisters... .me.) I can tell that he is sincerely in pain and I don't feel adequately insightful to advise him on how to overcome his defensive response to them. Any suggestions. This behavior is always present but becomes more intense around the holidays. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Thanks

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[drained1996]

Hello lakebound, sorry to hear about your situation.  Who in this situation is diagnosed or suspected BPD?  If you could share a little more detail about the situation we could give some more constructive feedback.  
To begin with though, to the right of this page you will note some tools and lessons that can help guide somebody dealing with a BPD in their life.  (Note, these tools and lessons are for the people without BPD to help them better navigate the BPD)  
Hope to hear a little more, so we can help guide you better!  

[heartandwhole]

Hi lakebound,



I'm sorry to hear that your husband is having a hard time with his family. It's difficult to see someone we love hurting, and I can understand your wanting to help. You've found a great place for support. The site has lots of tools to help and members who understand what you are going through.

When you have time, could you tell us a little more about your relationship. How long have you been together? Do you have family members who are supportive?

Defensive responses are not easy to overcome, but often just feeling like one is being heard and understood can calm emotions down. We can't control how other people feel or react, but we can listen, understand, and validate their feelings. It sounds like you are already doing this, but just in case a refresher would be helpful, here is a great article (with video) about listening with empathy that you might find supportive:

Listen with Empathy

Again, welcome. Keep writing and let us know how we can support you, lakebound.

heartandwhole