Saying hellos

[BeauRivets]

Hi all,

Just want to introduce myself. My wife is BPD and after only 4 months of marriage it looks like we are on the fast track to divorce and ar currently seperated. As you might expect, I'm hurt, confused, and don't have a clue as to what is going on. She acts like she hates me sometimes and pushes me away and says hurtful things. I'm not sure where the woman I fell in love with went. I hope that by reading a bit more about BPD I can make our divorce as smooth as possible... .wish we could reconcile but she is being extremely adversarial now. Thanks for listening! Jeff

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[drained1996]

Hi BeauRivets,



So sorry to hear about your difficult circumstances.  You'll find it's a familiar story around here.  There are some tools and lessons in the right margin of this page that can help you react to and communicate better to help the situation improve.  It sounds as if you are resigned to the fact that a divorce is inevitable... .is that correct?

[BeauRivets]

i think so, but of course now it seems that she wants to work on the marriage. It's the classic push/pull thing I guess. Things are so messed up I don't know what to think. So, maybe I'll just skip making any decisions and live apart from her for a few months and see what happens. Maybe she'll get therapy. Maybe I'll just get over her and be able to walk away. Or, maybe she'll be the one to end it. I really don't know what to think, but advice is always appreciated. Thanks!

[drained1996]

I really don't know what to think, but advice is always appreciated.

Most all of us here have been sitting with the same thoughts... .what to do.  Ultimately, that choice is yours and yours alone to make.  There are helpful tools here for any situation... .improving or detaching and healing... .but nobody here can make that choice for you. 

I see some thoughts you are having:

Things are so messed up I don't know what to think. So, maybe I'll just skip making any decisions and live apart from her for a few months and see what happens.

That thought seems to take YOU into account.  Thinking about YOU might be a good place to start. 

Maybe she'll get therapy. Maybe I'll just get over her and be able to walk away. Or, maybe she'll be the one to end it. I really don't know what to think

This one speaks complete confusion to me... .and that's understandable.  I've been there before myself... .given circumstances, most people in this world would be struggling with answers.  That said... .any idea what YOU want? 

As I pointed out above, there are helpful tools and guidance here whichever way you choose.  You may also think about starting a thread on the conflicted/deciding board where you will get some input from people in your very position. 

We are here to walk with you... .no matter your path.  Keep sharing!