So obvious now she had BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi folks,

So glad I found this great place.

I have just escaped a difficult relationship that lasted a year, we got engaged and after this she shared she had been diagnosed with BPD, but downplayed it as a misdiagnoses.  I believed her but it's clear she had it, luckily the wedding was cancelled and I kicked her out my place when I realised I was a being emotionally destroyed.  I managed to recover and rejected her when she tried to get me back which helped me move on quicker.

One thing I will never forget is after we broke up we met up and had a few drinks. I asked her if she though because of her past (abused by father, raped, cutting herself, suicide attempts, string of short relationships where the ex was all to blame) she had a problem with men. 

She was sitting beside me and out of the corner of my eye she was staring at me with evil demonic eyes and when I turned round she started smiling. I turned back and saw agin her evil stare out of the corner of my eye and again when turned round to see a smile.  Later that night she called me on my cell and had a guy phone my home phone while she was on (too much of a coincidence) and could here her laughing.  Then she called back and said sleep well in a evil voice.  Anyone else experience something like this?

Will post more about this insane relationship soon... .

[Replacement99]

Hi folks,

So glad I found this great place.

I have just escaped a difficult relationship that lasted a year, we got engaged and after this she shared she had been diagnosed with BPD, but downplayed it as a misdiagnoses.  I believed her but it's clear she had it, luckily the wedding was cancelled and I kicked her out my place when I realised I was a being emotionally destroyed.  I managed to recover and rejected her when she tried to get me back which helped me move on quicker.

One thing I will never forget is after we broke up we met up and had a few drinks. I asked her if she though because of her past (abused by father, raped, cutting herself, suicide attempts, string of short relationships where the ex was all to blame) she had a problem with men. 

She was sitting beside me and out of the corner of my eye she was staring at me with evil demonic eyes and when I turned round she started smiling. I turned back and saw agin her evil stare out of the corner of my eye and again when turned round to see a smile.  Later that night she called me on my cell and had a guy phone my home phone while she was on (too much of a coincidence) and could here her laughing.  Then she called back and said sleep well in a evil voice.  Anyone else experience something like this?

Will post more about this insane relationship soon... .

[Pretty Woman]

Very, very similar. My ex would do it to my face though. She would smile and laugh, mocking me while I was in genuine pain, crying.

She also texted me from someone else's phone like it was a game, a mutual friend who was lying to me and they were hooking up.

I feel so grown since my relationship. If this happened to me now I wouldn't have tolerated being treated like that.

This experience as painful as it was, taught me a lot.

[FallenOne]

At times, when something triggered my ex gf, or if she was just in a weird mood about something, she would become very sarcastic to the point of being condescending, and in intense moments would have this huge smile on her face (but with the evil eyes) while she was talking in a sweet sounding but threatening voice... . It was creepy, and honestly, it pi$$sed me off because it felt like she was just trying to intimidate me...

So, many times, I called her out on this and asked "what's up with the smile? why are you smiling?" She said something along the lines of "this is just how I look when you push me too far and pi$$ me off"


What a b!tch... .

[Replacement99]

My ex cheated, cancelled our wedding at the last minute and emotionally abused me.  When I unfriended her on Facebook, she said "Why did you unfriend me it's like you don't care"   Shows you the disturbed thinking.  She was also really annoyed I didn't descend into alcoholism like she did, and took great pleasure in any signs I was unhappy.

[Skip]

Can you tell us a little about the relationship... .obviously there was strong feelings if you asked her to marry you. And infidelity certainly evokes some of the most emotional feels, betrayal trauma.

Can you walk us through it a bit?

[Replacement99]

I met her and we quickly fell for each other, even though she revealed she had been abused by her father, raped, had self harm cuts and had tried to kill herself  a few times, and had a stay in a mental hospital (red flags galore). I felt so bad for her and wanted her to at least have a happy life with me if possible (naive i know).  She quickly asked to move in and wanted to have a family and said she preferred to be married first so we had arranged everything for that future. After we got engaged she revealed she had been diagnosed with BPD but told me no to read up on it and she thought it was a misdiagnosis.

 I had never heard of it and by then I was hooked after the over the top love bombing which seemed to go into overdrive after she had been out with "friends" and returning very drunk.  She stopped therapy and meds because she was now truly happy, and the dream quickly turned into a nightmare.  I found out all her exes were to blame for the (short) relationships and they all seemed fall apart after being with her. She also moved cities after every big relationship failed, probably due to shame.

Her MO was also to be in a relationship then meet other guys and tell them she was in a bad relationship while sleeping with them, but to the SO everything was fine.  Her family seemed to know this and looking back they were also all slightly strange and seemed all the partners of the siblings were  made fun of around the family table behind their back.  No doubt I am satan to them and she blamed me 100% for the relationship failing even though I was a good partner and never cheated, only supported her.

However after the wedding was cancelled she said she still loved me and wanted to keep the relationship going, at this point I thought she had already had a replacement in the works and was just buying time so I asked her to move out and ended it, she was livid with this as was her family and I got a huge kick out of it (bad I know), she moved very close to me which makes things awkward as I could run in to her.  We recycled once shortly after but by then she was drinking heavily and clearly trying to drag me down and talking about suicide, push-pull, hinting about other men, playing games etc.  I went NC after a few weeks of back and forth.  

After reading on here it all became so clear she will just repeat the cycle with the next guy (poor soul).

I do not hate her although she tried to destroy me in the devaluation stage, as her life has been tragic and she must be in constant pain and torment.  The way she copes is to use drink, drugs, causal sex, honeymoon periods and emotional abuse of her SO's to block out the pain.   I also blame myself as I knew what I was getting myself into and had poor boundaries but was blinded by my love for her.  Now I know I loved somebody that doesn't really exist.  I will never contact her or reply as I never want to be with such a disturbed individual.

[blueblue12]

Hey replacement,
I feel for you. It sounds like a nightmare, but like myself and others here, like a nightmare we have all experienced, sadly enough. I also went through all those experiences, terrible stuff. I am now NC, I miss her but there is nothing good there. We split up, well she decided to separate, but while living together sleeping in different rooms, she started a new relationship, didn't let me know though. But two months after living apart after selling the house and me going NC she started to chase me again! I was the best again the love of her life. Well I was recycled for a short spell and now I am NC again and eager to let her go forever this time. There is nothing good there as sad as that is... .and I cannot get anything out of it. Terrible as I was with this person for ten years!