Has anyone else felt this?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

After reading through some of the conversations today I thought of an interesting poll question.

How many of you have felt that there was some kind of book out there that these sorts used?

I realize that when you are in love there are some natural things that you repeat in the next relationship, what I am curius about is how many have seen/heard exact wording of more unique phrase that are used on each and every relationship?

Like mine in the beginning said I was his Dopplelganger. (now I know its me and anyone else that will go out with him)

Just thought it would be interesting to see how many of use had our exs use the same book of lines with everyone.

[talks to angels]

After reading through some of the conversations today I thought of an interesting poll question.

How many of you have felt that there was some kind of book out there that these sorts used?

I realize that when you are in love there are some natural things that you repeat in the next relationship, what I am curius about is how many have seen/heard exact wording of more unique phrase that are used on each and every relationship?

Like mine in the beginning said I was his Dopplelganger. (now I know its me and anyone else that will go out with him)

Just thought it would be interesting to see how many of use had our exs use the same book of lines with everyone.

[fromheeltoheal]

Like mine in the beginning said I was his Dopplelganger.

Doppelganger is an interesting word choice, totally appropriate for someone who mirrors to attach yes?

Borderlines must attach to someone to feel whole, it's mandatory, so if something worked with someone else, a previous attachment, why not try it again?  We've all done that to some extent yes?  A certain way of being, to be accepted in a certain group, to be liked, to be respected, we've all found ways that work in one context and then use them in another yes?

[talks to angels]

Yes fromheeltoheal I think it makes it scary to think that as the age they perfect their craft so to speak, and their manipulation bag of tricks get larger. Its like they learn what works and what doesnt work, adjust the list, start fresh with someone new

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes fromheeltoheal I think it makes it scary to think that as the age they perfect their craft so to speak, and their manipulation bag of tricks get larger. Its like they learn what works and what doesnt work, adjust the list, start fresh with someone new

And do you agree that the healthier a person is, the less susceptible they will be to manipulation?

[talks to angels]

Yes and no. Mine was so good. I even told him post break up he missed his calling to be an actor.

[antelope]

'soul mate' is a very common one

[Duped 1]

Yep I was "the one" her soulmate, the person she had waited for her entire life. Then they go right to the next one and say the same exact thing. How incredibly shallow and disturbing

[Germanic]

I just joined this web group a couple days ago and have read extensively posts on 'detaching' in an effort to understand what happen to me and my relationship.  I can't help but be overwhelming amazed at how many posts state words or phrases used which my BPDex used with me.  Also, many of the techniques and studies on this area of mental health which yielded phrases and terminology has also been used by my ex on me over the past year.  

As I have never had any experience with mental health issues or being directly involved with anyone who was afflicted, I was so impressed with my ex's knowledge of 'people skills' and an apparent understand of relationships.  Now I begin to understand that at his age and with his 8 relationships now notched into his gun barrel, he has had plenty of time and opportunity to perfect his craft.  Me being naïve about these issues made me a perfect target to his 'charms.'

I believe I can now understand why all his former relationships were with much, much younger partners; they were easier to control and manipulate and since many of those young partners came from meager means, they easily became dependent upon him along with his control.  I was his first partner who was older than him and by seven years.  He constantly told me he was ready for a relationship with a mature peer in order to eliminate all the drama and immaturity which existed in his prior partners.  That lasted two to three months until he began pining for a young 'playmate' or at least someone young to text and play mind games with.

I was subjected to the personality tests he administered on me.  He gave a stack of books to read and one I found especially interesting, "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch, PHD.  He had just 'discovered' that book in the past couple of years attempting to understand what was wrong with his prior relationship.  If he read that book, he certainly  understand it only to use it as a tool to manipulate me.  It's amazing how many times I played back to him points and chapters of the Schnarch book when he was acting out in detriment to our relationship as defined by the author.

I think the really heavy cases of BPD actually get very skilled at their craft and to their own detriment and especially to those who get caught up in their web.  I was wondering as well if anyone else felt this way regarding these BPD's and their serial relationships.  As I have posted before, what a tragedy that a human being has had their development so screwed up that they have become a product that can function in society but be so dysfunctional personally at their own detriment and especially to those who they ensnare.  

I just wish there was something more that could be done to help these people.  I don't believe that they want to be this way.  My BPDex was a fascinating and interesting individual.  I thought I had finally found the partner of my dreams.  I believe his friends and family felt that he had also benefitted greatly by having me in his life by their very comments and statements which they made to us.  It is just that when the dynamics turned, I just knew something was seriously wrong and that I had to get out.  

I feel for all those who have not been so fortunate to have escaped the craziness and  mayhem sooner.  For those trying to get out or contemplating making the departure from a dysfunctional relationship with a BPD, don't hesitate any longer!  From what I understand now, there is definitely a pattern here with these individuals and none of us are able to help any of them until those who are afflicted want to change themselves.  The scariest part of this situation is that many BPD's apparently think they are fine and everyone else is screwed up.  I walked away from a lot by leaving my BPD partner, both extremely wonderful experience as well as very bad stuff.  But in retrospect, I walked away with my dignity, my sanity and my own mental health intact.  I'm hurting now but with the knowledge which I have gained from this experience I truly know that I have grown and for the better.

Thank you for all the support I have received from this group.  I just wanted to add that I think this is a really serious matter that needs to be more in the mainstream consciousness in order to for people to be on the lookout before more lives are impacted and more innocent children are affected.                        

[talks to angels]

I can look back at the beginning of the relationship, I took it that he was wanting to know about me with all his questions. know I see it was like an interview. Apparently I pass and I stupidly took the job of being his puppet.

[Germanic]

The first night when we were together after the time when we initially met he told me he wanted "to know every fiber of my being."  Now I can see why.

I'm a relatively private person and hardly ever let someone get so close to my inner being that I would feel like they are 'scraping the bone.'  He insisted that I open up to him and trusting him, over time, I began to.  As a matter of fact, I had never opened so much to anyone in my life.  I felt concerned about it but over time he made me feel it was the right thing to do.  That feeling lasted for the first several months until I realized he began to know so much about me and I really knew very little about him.  He'd challenge me as to why I don't ask personal questions of him.

He's German and I'm from the US and I thought all his prying and very personal questions were just a cultural thing.  Several times I had to tell him that in America, it just isn't 'nice' to ask such personal questions of someone else especially so early in a relationship.  Pressing questions such as into the specifics my personal wealth or that of my family really floored me.  More surprising was his reaction in regards to my hesitating sharing such information, especially on that of detail of my family's financial status when he said I must not love him if I wasn't willing to share those details with him.  I asked him what difference that information made to him and our relationship and all I could get back was I obviously didn't love him enough to share that with him.  Needless to say I didn't budge on releasing the financial information.

I paid all my own expenses to be with him in Germany.  I paid most of the expenses, food, etc. for him to be with me in the US.  He bought his own plane tickets but I paid for most everything else.  I paid most all the food and additional expenses when I visited him in his home in Germany.  It was a stacked deck in the money dept. but I allowed myself to be used that way.  And I don't complain about it because he can't ever say I sponged off him. 

Don't get me wrong, he had plenty of his own money.  He spent a fortune on his previous partner who supposedly contributed nothing financially to that relationship and my ex got hosed by his former.  I was made to believe that my ex's former took advantage of him financially but I'm beginning to see now my BPDex used the money provided to his former partner as a serious form of control however the much younger partner got away and out of the country leaving a huge debt unpaid to my BPDex. 

I believe the tools of manipulation by my BPDex were very sophisticated and well practiced.  I think now my keen sense on the financial issues helped me to understand the manipulation part of his personality.  There are other examples of questionable money issues I won't go into here but suffice it to say, red flags began to open my eyes.

I wonder how gullible and stupid I was to continue on getting deeper into this with this guy in spite of the warning signs I saw.  From what I now understand, the dynamics of being involved with a BPD is part of their 'hook' and that you are so overwhelmed by the attention, the commitment and the sex that you tend to overlook the reasonability of what is being thrust upon you and throw some of your common sensibilities out the window with the progression of the relationship.

More information needs to be put into the mainstream about BPDs and their tactics but then I guess, they'd become stigmatized and things could get worse from there.  I don't know what the solution is but I am glad I now know something about it and can steer clear and help anyone else I know and care about to be wary of such relationships.

I share this wondering if anyone else has felt any of this... .         

       

[talks to angels]

I totally can relate to the financial. In normal relationships you slowly learn the more private information. I like you wasnt real "open".  As far as financially, fairly early we were discussing my job. Even some of my closest friends did not know exactly what I was making, only those in my industry. Seeing as he had stated that he worked at a competing company I assumed that he knew around what I was making. When I look back, he didnt come right out and ask, he did it in a very sly way. He was having financial troubles and was in what I thought was a transitional time. He had told this long story of a company he had started and was ripped off by his partners. So he was rebuilding himself. His income was never an issue for me, as I felt it is the person not the money.
Once I was away from him, and clearly looking at his past and what he did after, he is a leach. He is looking for financial support. He has a long list of people he has used. Been homeless twice and used girls at those points. Never has had any steady employment, has pinged between friends houses and girls all his life.
So yes I think he was trying to find out if you could support him. I have wondered if I had told him I made minimum wage, would he have stayed?