How often did you hear the word "Sorry"?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

All the time but his behaviour never changed. He would just delete his horrible actions and do them again. He would never learn. But cry and say sorry and promise the world oh yes that I heard often.

[hope2727]

All the time but his behaviour never changed. He would just delete his horrible actions and do them again. He would never learn. But cry and say sorry and promise the world oh yes that I heard often.

[Stolen]

"I apologised many times, for things I forgot I said! Maybe I didn't say them? Have you been manipulating me this whole time? YOU hurt ME countless times, and you never apologised once, and certainly not multiple times like I did."

Oh - I recall many of these rants. I would examine them thoughtfully - I would recognize all the words, even some of the sentences made with those words. But I could just never get to the point where I understood what the hell she was really trying to say.  Understanding a disordered mind is just a losing game... .

[Duped 1]

Truer words have never been written!

[SamwizeGamgee]

Now I'm looking for the Amen button on this thread.
When my wife get really revved up (the eyes become black pits), and it hasn't happened in a while since I've done so much detaching, but, I have to interrupt her and ask "OK, I'm listening, but, what subject are you talking about now?"  because I just can't follow the rabbit's hole of her logic.

[Hisaccount]

I just can't follow the rabbit's hole of her logic.

So true. All of it guys.

I have hear sorry for the 4th time last night. I am telling you. She is gearing up for a recycle and thanks to all of you I think I am strong enough to keep from doing it.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Hisaccount, Suggest you prepare yourself for a barrage of F-O-G: fear, obligation and guilt, which is the three-pronged spear that those w/BPD use to manipulate us Nons.  LJ

[vortex of confusion]

When my wife get really revved up (the eyes become black pits), and it hasn't happened in a while since I've done so much detaching, but, I have to interrupt her and ask "OK, I'm listening, but, what subject are you talking about now?"  because I just can't follow the rabbit's hole of her logic.

Ex would not look me in the eyes when we talked. It was bizarre to be talking to somebody about such important topics and have them not look you in the eyes. He started making it a point to look me in the eye after a counselor pointed it out to him. He had been telling me I was making it up.

At some point, he would deny doing something. I would push it and he would say, "I don't remember that. You said I did it so I must have done it. I am sorry."

The rabbit hole is a rather dark place. I cannot get ex to stay on a topic. I can bring up something about the kids and the next thing I know he is telling me some random thing that isn't related to the topic.

[Curiously1]

Once but it was so insincere. It felt more like 'I just want you to stop bringing crap up!' the way she shouted at me.

We were away from each other for about 2 months because of her work. The first day she came back she invited a new friend she never met in person yet over to our place. We spent the whole day wining and dining this new person it was exhausting.

I told her she was insensitive to my feelings because I already told her that I wanted to spend a quiet day with just ourselves and didn't she want that? the fact that I had not seen her in ages. We planned on meeting that new friend of hers a few days after but she changed her plans and yea, invited her the very day she came back when it was supposed to be just our day.

She yelled 'Sorry I was lonely!' and that's about it. She justified what she was already going to do that day I believe because by the time she arrived home I wasn't around. That it was my fault I didn't come home on time for her to not bring over a friend. She has none, this was just a new person she was curious about. She didn't tell me when she was going to arrive so I was out playing soccer with a friend and basically texted her to tell me when she's nearly arrived. When I received her text it was 30mins ago which wasn't a long while to miss a text and then my buddy drove me straight home. That's where the awkward friend of hers was over all dressed up like for a date sitting on our couch unsure it seems of what was going on. My buddy pointed out a week later when I saw him again how strange this person was dressing just to hang out as friends.

Looking back now, the person was actually a potential replacement which did not work out for her. She was disappointed that day that the replacement wasn't good enough to truly replace me. So it was more like sorry she wasted her own time. Behind the scenes she kept searching for a new one of course but kept the friend because she liked some additional attention in case we broke up.

Apart from that. All the cruel and insensitive things she's ever done I've never heard a sorry for.
She would say or shout stuff like 'I was feeling like crap which was your fault and you made me do it.'
'If only you did or were this, I wouldn't have done that'

[SummerStorm]

My BPD friend said once, while she was in the psych ward and at her lowest point, but what she apologized for wasn't even what I really wanted her to apologize for, which really showed me that she has absolutely no concept of how her words and actions affect others. 

She talks in her sleep, and once, when she was sleeping, she mumbled, ":)id I do that?  I'm sorry."  I told her about it later, and she looked at me with that dead eye expression and a smirk on her face and said, "Yeah, well I never apologize, so I guess keep that one for a later time." 

[Shedd]

Hmmmm, yeah never heard it.

She always told me I apologized too much.

[Bamboo]

Is an inability to regret or acknowledge mistakes characteristic of pwBPD?

My wife rarely apologized, and when she did it was insincere, especially toward the end of our relationship. She also had a hard time accepting my apologies, though in hindsight I probably apologized too much. The relationship did a number on my sense of self-worth.

The "I did everything for you" statement really resonates with me as well. Definitely looking for the like button on nearly every post in this thread... .

[Stolen]

Is an inability to regret or acknowledge mistakes characteristic of pwBPD?

In my experience 100% yes.  I think it stems from the black and white thinking - if you acknowledge a mistake, you are admitting you are not perfect. In a black and white world, there is only all good and all bad, so less than perfect = bad and down the rabbit hole of shame and loathing go they... .

[SummerStorm]

She always told me I apologized too much.

Yes, my BPD friend is like that, too, especially when I would say "I'm sorry that happened to you" when she would tell me something about her past--something that was likely a lie or an exaggeration anyway.  She would say, ":)on't be.  It's not your fault." 

[Hlinthewiking]

I think she said once or twice in 2 years after she hit me and hurt me, she got startled and I was considering on what to do in that situation. She seemed frightened with her actions, but like the other said, she would imply she had done it because I had done "X, Y, Z" and it was my fault.

I'm not sure if she said it a few more but it's hard for me to remember because I would often look at her and could tell she was sorry even though she couldn't admit it.

She always told me I apologized too much.

Same thing pretty much. Mine said "Is that all you know to say?"