Drained

[TeddyB]

Hi all
I've been with my partner 11yrs. Its been such a rocky ride from days. Im very sensitive, empathetic and loving and he was very angry, very loud and always always right.
He acknowledges he has issues and is currently seeing a psychologist for lengthy treatment.
He is much less angrier than he was but still he is always right, he swears black is white and can switch from nice to nasty so very quickly.
He accuses me of behaving how he's behaving if that makes sense.
Im not perfect but everyone I know and love says I'm the most loving and caring person they know. He says I Overtalk him, he says I have issues, he says I'm wrong and he's right and he recalls things completely different to how they happened. He once argued my birthday wasn't on my birthday... .
Im tired of it all. Everything is so complicated. I feel acutely anxious inside.
He is trying to change which I cannot ask for more. I just feel lost, I want a simple life. I like minimalist and he's a horder and will not let go of anything. Ive never been on a site like this. I will read other posts for help. Life hey! Any advice/ thoughts v v much appreciated

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[heartandwhole]

Hi TeddyB,



I am sorry that you are feeling so weary and anxious in your relationship. It's difficult to live like that, and very understandable, given your situation. I'm glad you posted, because you've found a great place for support. Members here have been in similar situations and understand how you feel. 

There is hope, TeddyB, even though it doesn't feel like it now. Things can get better for you. It takes effort and patience and compassion, especially for yourself.

Good news that your partner is in treatment. How about you? What is your self-care routine like? Do you have a good support system outside of this relationship, e.g., family, friends, a counselor?

Do read posts and especially the material on the right sidebar------->
when you have a chance. The site has a ton of really helpful resources.

Keep writing, and we'll walk beside you on your journey to better days.

heartandwhole

[believer55]

Hi TeddyB. I am tired too - in fact I bet everyone of us here are - so feel free to vent as we will all certainly understand.  I feel it has been a journey for me starting at "What the heck is going on?", to discovering BPD and feeling relieved that I wasn't imagining it, to reading the advice given here and practicing, then feeling despair that things were never going to change, then he made a big effort and things improved and now we are going backwards... .but by now I have read a lot about boundaries and looking after myself. I have stopped trying to "fix" him and looked more at fixing myself.

At this stage he is just realising I am no longer his band aid to make the world look brighter and more manageable. He still fears abandonment all the time but I am being more the real me and putting the onus back on him that if he wants to feel better he needs to work on that himself. I love him and will stand by him, but I can not change who I am or lose who I am to protect him from the big bad world. This approach does lead to some dysregulation but I can look myself in the mirror and see the real me looking back. Keep us up to date - meditate, walk, sing, dance, take time for you, visit friends, try to talk to him, try again , keep living xxx