Well i’m going to explain everything from the beginning so that whoever responds knows exactly what our relationship was like and explain to me everything that happened. I first met my BPD gf at a friends monopoly night. the vibes were good and she seemed interested so we exchanged information. After about a month of getting to know each other it faded out, then I was unadded on all social media and found out that she started a relationship with someone else that lasted about 4 months. She then started a newish relationship around the time we met again at a friends dinner but she was still very flirty and seemed interested. I reached back out and eventually got her to come to a 4th of July party at my place. At this point in time my drinking habits were not the best and I blacked out and was very rude to her because she was facetiming another guy to make him or me jealous. I didn’t expect to hear from her again so i apologized. she invited me to grab drinks with her coworkers and introduced me and things started going great for us. I made her happy. she made me happy. Our friends loved that for us. we would have deep conversations about our future goals. We then went on a group wedding party trip, where she was a bridesmaid and i was a groomsmen. she was all lovey dovey with me and we spent majority of the trip running off together. we get back from the trip and i assumed that it was just a trip fling for her but she texted me saying “don’t forget about me.” and ofc i didn’t. we stayed in touch, hung out, kissed, had sex, etc. we were together. she then gets out in jail for few days due to something in her past. we still kept our romance going because she was the perfect person. she asked about my culture, opened up to me, wanted me to open up to her but because of her history, it was harder for me to let my walls down again. we were having a great relationship. we talked about moving in together, family plans, future trips. she gets put in jail for a month and half. before jail, it sort of seemed like she was distant but reassured me that she just had a lot going on because she was also on an ankle monitor until her court date.i stuck around because she was worth it. well she gets sent to jail for a 1.5 months and during that time she called me 2-3 times per day and i answered every call to make sure she never felt alone.i also found out that she had been taking meds for what she had said is “bipolar disorder.”the conversations were just as great as when she was out of jail. i didnt think anything of it because it had t affect our relationship so far. i got her bday gifts since she missed her birthday, stayed loyal…and then she gets out and things were good, she asked me to pick her up from jail, take her to work for about a week. i could tell she was getting a little distant again. but i understood because she was on house arrest, our families didn’t know about each other, she has a kid with someone else. then when i picked her up from work one day she comes out in tears…i asked her what’s wrong, she said “im just in my feelings,” i gave her a hug and kiss and dropped her off at home. she then texted me saying “i made a mistake.” i asked back “what’s the mistake, you’re making me nervous” and she said “ I love you, you’re what I want for myself i just feel like I really haven’t been able to give you the time or attention you want from me right now and I don’t wanna lose this I just don’t want to ruin it and I know you’ve been feeling some type of way bc we just haven’t been able to see each other really and I just wanna apologize bc I don’t know when I’ll really be available the way you need me to be” i assured her that i wasn’t going anywhere” things stayed pretty much the same but the calls became less frequent, the work rides became less frequent. she could sense i was upset because i didn’t get to hang out/talk with my gf. she texted me saying “ I could never forget about you I’m just in my feeling bc I put myself in your shoes and I know I wouldn’t be too happy if it was the other way around I just really do have a lot going on and I’m sorry bc I don’t mean to isolate you” the text messages were spaced out more than before but the i love you, i kiss you and i wanna see you were still there. then we got into an argument and she said i was trying to change her life to fit mine when that was never the case. she started saying mean things such as “ I just got outta jail a week ago you’re not a priority and you weren’t even before I went to jail I don’t have time for you and I’m not gonna go out of my way to fit you into my life right now all I can give you is daily conversation and you agreed and said that was fine now all of the sudden you want
PLEASE READ to change and it’s not” and “ I don’t really care if you’re here my life doesn’t change much either way” and “ I wouldn’t have let you in if I didn’t see anything for the long run and I’m being honest. All it really is is company companionship” so as a respectful person would do, i ended it with her because being here made no impact on her life. i felt as if i didn’t mean anything after all i went through with her. her own family wouldn’t pick up her calls from jail.” i realized i made mistake and tried to take it all back and then she said “you said what you said and so did i, you can’t take it back” i blew up her phone with calls because I believed that talking in person is better than through texts. she declined them all, said “why is it so hard for you to leave me alone” and then blocked me on every form of social media except TikTok. she reads my messages on there but won’t respond. she reposts rude things about me on there saying she never cared about me, etc. saying just because i have money that doesn’t mean we have to stick together. and she knows how bad that hurts because she knows i’d give it all up in a heartbeat if it meant being happy. she talked to our mutual friends recently and didn’t mention our breakup and seems perfectly fine. ignores all my dms on tiktok to the point i had to delete all my socials so i could keep myself from falling apart. Im not sure if she has BDP but this sounds like a textbook split to black and discard. i wrote her a letter and dropped it off apologizing for me blowing things ups and ending it prematurely due to my fear of being left. i haven’t got a response but she also added me on snap chat and when i tried to reach out she blocked me. so back to tiktok she still has me unblocked. i deleted my social, and told her that i would so that i could keep myself from texting her since she’s not responding. her friends said she is acting totally normal. Can anyone explain what happened and if theres ever a chance she could come back to me. she knows how deeply i care for her. but it was like a light switched and the grateful appreciative person i knew just forgot everything i had done for her or us. What steps should i take to get her back. we have the same friends and she is on ankle monitor for 7 months. but i don’t want to end things. i want to be there for her and still work things out. from everything ive read already and watched, all i hear is that im dead to her now and theres no coming back.What do you all think.
