Bpdw splitting following major health scare…

[thankful person]

I guess I just need some support. Bpdw was taken to hospital in an ambulance last week, a case of acute pancreatitis brought on by her weight loss injection Mounjaro. I have struggled to support her with the weight loss injections because I struggle to understand her eating issues, I do have my own demons but tend to withhold food if I’m down. Anyway I have hated her poisoning her body with this drug. At the time she had eaten McDonald’s and got really sick and first thought that it was her choice of food mostly.

I have for several days had to take over sole care of our four kids who are 5.4, 2, and 6 months. The baby has been the hardest as he is breast fed and co sleeps with my wife. I found some breast milk in the freezer but it was very hard to settle him as he’s used to breast feeding on his side and you can’t do that with a bottle. So I’ve had hardly any sleep. All of the children are behaving badly for me because they miss my wife. We have no family support nearby. I have hardly sat down or slept. We can’t visit my wife really because you have to be 14 years old, though the baby has been in a couple of times with me while the others are at school and nursery. It’s just been non stop and also trying to keep on top of the house work and everything else.

My wife is now back home as she discharged herself against medical advice. I am taking a couple of days off work but she’s now telling me to go to work as we need the money but she is clearly not well and I want her to rest and recuperate but she just says I don’t care or support her or even talk to her and all I talk about is work and the kids. Tomorrow is also her birthday and honestly birthdays are always a challenge, but this is going to be worse. She told me before she got sick that she already knew what a let down it would be.

I am just exhausted I guess I could do with some kind words or something.

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[kells76]

 

You sound beyond tired -- which makes so much sense. I really understand what you're saying when you say that you know why the kids are behaving badly -- it's not their fault, they're just kids missing their parent -- but that doesn't make it easier for you in the day to day. Not having local family support is so difficult, too.

Has your W stayed at home the last couple days, or has she returned to the hospital?

Did you end up going back to work? Sometimes, when BPD is in a family situation, going to work can be a relief from family stress. Is it that way for you?

I feel for you with what you have to juggle. I really hope that you are getting some moments of rest (and sleep!) in this incredibly difficult time.

[CC43]

Hi Thankful,

Wow, that sounds tremendously difficult, I really feel for you.  I guess my tip would be to prioritize only the very important things until you get through this crisis.  If I were in your shoes, I'd let the housework go for the time being.  It is OK to wear some clothes twice, and maybe even order take-out (or pre-prepared/semi-prepared foods) if you can afford it.  In my opinion, this situation calls for paper plates, some unmade beds and toys that aren't picked up.  Close the door on messiness if you have to.  It's only temporary.  You might be eligible for some family leave, too, though I'm with Kells and wonder if going to work might give you a needed break.  If you have some family nearby to take a little load off, that could help too.  There's no shame in asking for some help, even if it's as simple as dropping off or picking up one of your kids, or just staying with you in the home for an hour or two to help babysit, while you are attending to other matters.

It's normal that the kids will act up when they miss mom or have a change in their routine.  You might even explain this to them:  I know you feel sad that mom is sick and not paying attention to you like she usually does.  But she's trying to get better as soon as possible.  Maybe you both would feel better if you gave her a hug?  . . . . I think even very young children will appreciate the empathy.