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Author Topic: Wife's uBPD is taking its toll, just need to vent & feel heard  (Read 40 times)
fitdad
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1


« on: July 04, 2025, 07:47:09 AM »

Hi there,

I'm a married father of two (almost 3 and 5 months) and I'm 99.5% sure my wife has undiagnosed BPD/EUPD. I work from home which allows me to be very hands on with the kids, which I like. I'm originally from Australia, my wife is from a Slavic country so there are some cultural aspects to be aware of.

In the beginning, it was great. Looking back there were some red flags, notably being insanely jealous of past relationships before her, however at the time I didn't see it. I didn't even know what BPD was back then. We've been married 4 years.

She splits regularly, once every 2 weeks on average and sometimes there will be 2-3 splits within the same week. I've been to counselling to try and understand how I can deal with the belitting, blaming, the gaslighting, the disrespect and the yelling at our kids. It's brutal. We aren't intimate anymore, I have no interest in being intimate with someone who treats me this way. We both attended counselling as well but she just thought it was a waste of money and stopped going and refuses to go now.

I can feel divorce looming in the future, I never wanted that. Right now, I stay for my kids. Women always get the rights to the children and I cringe to think of what their home life would be like without me there. I'm playing both roles, father and mother. I'm the soft place to land for my kids, I'm the one who tends to their crying most of the time, I'm the one who cleans up the house and even prepares food much of the time. Not all the time, but my point is I'm the provider and about 65% the mother as well.

And yet, despite making above average income for where we live and she not having to work, I make no money. She defends other people over me. My father was dying, we went to see him and spend some time with him before he passed...she split like crazy, threatened to leave the country with the kids without me. Zero compassion.

Thanks for listening, I guess I just needed to vent. How do you all deal with it? I've been advised that all you can really do is try and be stoic, but that's tough in the face of blatant disrespect, gaslighting and efforts to sabotage your ability to make money and survive.

Any advice is welcomed.
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